Leaning heavily upon a friend, I sent a text asking for encouragement. It had been a few weeks of near constant activity, hosting, helping, serving, and being needed. The lack of a sense of God's touch was tangible, and I sought a friend to help me see things more clearly.
Look for grace.
Simple, yet so not as clear as I had hoped. The mystery intrigued me, and, I was too tired to argue, so I just tried it. Every time I felt the tasks before me too great, my internal integrity pulled too thin, or my temptation to give up, I breathed the word of encouragement. I prayed, "Grace, Lord, help me find grace".
Though the world didn't come tumbling through the door in a perfectly packaged boxes, what did come in seemed to float above me, as I found myself moored to God's grace in quiet yet profound ways. I didn't have to speak up to be heard, I didn't have to stuff my emotions to be strong, I didn't have to rush in to get my need met. Entering into a gentle silence became possible for me, in ways it never had seemed to before.
Looking for grace, asking for God to give grace, I had found grace!
"Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name." Psalm 119:132
This is what is required of me when I was out of my league. And I find it more and more. As I pursue God's high calling, focusing on doing all things well, loving on family with intentionality, being character defined by each moment instead of stymied by my own lack of ability, it becomes more and more common for me to have to rely solely and uninhibitedly on His grace.
God must chuckle even as I post this. Of course, my dear, the only way you will relinquish your life to me is when it is impossible to do it on your own strength and talent. Yet, here I am, surprised, and joy filled. It is God's gentle grace that put me in the impossible calling, and then His gentle grace that supplies me with all I need to get through it.
And all this, with a simple breath prayer:
laughter, breathing, being, knowing