Thursday, March 24, 2011


It has been a fun season of feasting, and I can not believe it is over.  Lent marks the beginning of sorrow, of suffering, of remorse for our sinfulness and the world's fallen state.  It feels this way: gray skies, raining; thinking on my heart need to access Christ.

As I draw into a more reflective place, I think on grace, how much I need, how much God gives.  And, interestingly enough, my purpose on this earth is grace as well.

 Looking for a job title, I found this one: administer of his grace.

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." 1 Peter 4:10

Perhaps the "others" in the verse are my family, my children, my husband.   As I bumble along in motherhood how can I give my gifts to my children? What gifts have I received?  My children, my husband, my home, my groceries, my heart of love.  Are these the gifts?  My gift of time, of freedom to speak, of freedom to listen.  My mind, my experiences, my disappointments.  How can I use them to serve others and therefore faithfully administer God's grace?

I love the season of Lent, how it draws us inward, to the inner man, to find the curative grace that is the only salve.  Journeying toward this, I hope to hear His voice more fully, and there find mercy and grace for my soul.

Happy fourth week  of Lent!

Monday, March 21, 2011


Fresh...that is what you want in Sushi.  I mean, here you are eating something raw, not flaky fall of the skin, but chewy fresh off the bone.  And so, in order to satisfy the palate and comfort the belly, it sure has to be fresh.

And when it is, it is pure heaven; buttery, melt in your mouth, nothing like it, light and airy, fresh.

It is amazing how much that is true of my spiritual life as well.  Memorizing verses, knowing biographies of saints that have gone before me, adhering to daily disciplines of faith, knowing right doctrine of theology all ground and root me.  But on the daily level, I am still in need of manna.  Pick it while it's ripe, only take what you can eat, wafer like in translucence-manna.

Today, I awoke sad. Loath to get out of bed, my morning walk spoiled by the rain, the home overwhelmed by every housekeeping need in the book, my husband gone for an early morning of work, children already squabbling over knights and legos; I lingered, I sighed, I prayed, "Lord, help me with the motivation to get out bed, to do this day well".

The prayer, it continued.  I stood, and chose not to dress, not to make my bed, yet.  To just make it to the front room, to smile with each nodding head of childish sweetness, to make sure breakfast was satisfying and good, was enough.  And I ate my manna.

The work of listening to the older two children list the reasons they had not started math, the younger two walk through whose turn it was with Robin Hood's figurine, to take the dog out in the rain for a quick jaunt, to find the coffee still hot; I breathed a silent prayer of taking in, of eating the manna.

Fresh.  Fresh wind, fresh fire, Fresh food for the moment.  Give me what I need to follow you in this moment.  Carry me, carry me....

The children are a bright spot, a gift.  But the laundry, the sink of soaking dishes, the toys and clothes strewn on every floor, are harder to conquer, to obey, the be in...they sink me down and call me to find a new hope, every day, every day, every day.

So, I am thankful, for sushi (yum) that reminds me of my Lord's sweet daily bread, the freshness of it, the daily newness of it, that fills me just enough in this moment to live and breath and have my being.  Without Him, I do not know if the children's dear light of laughter and sillies and cuddles on the couch would touch me as profoundly.

And I know for sure the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and food shopping would stand out only in their lackluster mundanity, if it were not for the freshness found in eating of Him, in each moment, with each passing need, in each daily chore.

Fresh.  Where are you needing a fresh word, presence, experience?  Come to Him and find...

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. 1 Peter 2:2-3