His sweet voice beckoned me back, with this simple word, "expectations". I kept hearing it as I prayed quietly in my slippery state of sadness. Here was God inviting me to see what he saw so clearly. So, I bravely took a look. What expectations?
Well, this little princess discovered, my expectations. Boy, was I sheepish as I found a lot of them.
Apparently, moving closer to family, driving for every holiday or birthday, being in a home with trees and lush greenery, and having this here on earth, was an expectation of mine. Even though my husband and I had eight years ago decided these dreams would not be mine, I hadn't really let them go. Here they were drowning me.
So, when bright city lights beaconed through my home, when two am tow trucks woke me from my sleep, when family had to pay a small fortune just to spend a holiday with me, I grew bitter. When the children asked for a tree to climb, when vacations included a beautiful setting that reminded me of my longing for a pretty home, and when my "family" became friends whose life turns had kept them from their relations, I grew sad.
But it was all in my mind. It was all in my expectations. Why had my expectations grown so exact and when was I going to let go of them?
Now, it turns out. Thanksgiving week, actually. I laid it all out on the table, with God, and my husband. As I prayed and conversed, the obvious became reality: I had to let God's reign rule in my mind. I had to give up the thoughts I was letting rustle around in there, the expectations of having a comfortable little life near family and in the great outdoors. I had to embrace realities that did not match my expectations, and call them good.
And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2
May your Advent season, the season of expectations, be filled, as mine has most recently, with the thoughts and mind of God. May you find in it, rest for your weary souls and joy brightening your darkest nights.