Devotional

Devotional Lives for Families

So you’ve had a baby, maybe you have a couple of children.  You and your husband are wondering what happened to late night dancing and long strolls on the beach.  Well, they are just around the corner…when you retire.  However, greeting your new season with joy and deep satisfaction is entirely possible.  There is something amazing about having children, something God designed.  And when you embrace this very differently structured season, you will soon find a sweet peace, hearty character growth, and a whole lot of love and laughter.

Here are some ways to make this your family’s reality:

1. Let Go

A key part to living a Spirit filled life is embracing what is right before you.  To fully transition to your new life as a unit of 3 or 4 or 5 or 6… and no longer a single agent, you will find letting go of the old season and looking at what you have today is paramount to discovering the joys of family life.

Make a list of all the things you miss (jogging without strollers, uninterrupted showers, long quiet times with God, enjoying media during the day, eating out, sleeping when you want to, working full time, etc). Commit to pray over those things before the Lord, giving Him thanks for the season in which you used to enjoy them and asking him kindly to hold them for you, if it be His will, for your future.  Ask your spouse, family, and friends to pray for you to let go of specific times/experiences/freedoms from the season you are no longer in.

Make a list of all the things you have now that bring you joy (early morning feedings with a smiling infant, park dates with your friends and their children, soccer Saturdays, early bedtimes, never feeling lonely, etc). Commit to pray over these things, thanking God for these beautiful gifts and asking him kindly to help you not miss the hidden gifts of your beautiful season of family life.  Ask you spouse, family, and friends to pray for more joy, thankfulness, and contentment for your current season.

Psalms 37:4 “This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

2.  Embrace Today

If there is one thing that every new parent hears, it is: “Enjoy this time, it passes so quickly”.  And though part of you wants to throttle that smiling person with grown children while you recount your 1 am, 3 am, and 5 am feedings, or the difficulty you are having with your 18 month old’s realization that they have a will, or the incredible mountain of laundry you seemed to have inherited; it is very important for you listen. Make it your daily mantra if you have to.  You only have today with these children: it passes quickly.

Slow down to see your children and to go at their pace.  Let go of any activities or things that keep you from enjoying each moment in your day at the pace of your children (including fancy meal prep or perfect house keeping).  You can not live at the pace of a single adult and be a family.  Families move slower.

 Practice presence of mind in each moment, be attentive to what God is doing.  Make it a regular habit when you are annoyed, upset, exhausted, loosing it, to look to God and pray, “Where are you in this moment God?  Please reveal yourself” .  Then, look for Him.  Notice Him in your child’s simple laughter, or the beauty of a breeze as you and your children play in the park.  Go outside with your children, sit with them on the floor and stack blocks, talk with them, listen to them, respond to them.  Don’t miss it.

A great book for this season is Practice the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. 

Imagine yourself him when he says he is just as spiritual peeling potatoes, cooking, washing dishes for God as when he is in the chapel praying. Find your daily chores (changing diapers, consistently setting boundaries, reading books, making meals) and put his mentality of serving Christ into your day.  See how much it changes your heart toward the work of domestic life and child rearing.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men Colossians 3:23

3.  Do With

Now that you are a unit, you can no longer go without thinking of others.  Selfishness is out the window.  But that is good, because there are all these fruits of the Spirit you have been meaning to work on, and now you have no choice.  (But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Ephesians 5:22-23). 

As you do life with your children, the need for God’s Spirit is so much higher.  You can not afford to be impatient or lack gentleness or live without joy.  As you pray for God’s Spirit in each moment, you will begin to find yourself a person filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

Parenting is character building.  The iron sharpening you is your limited freedoms and your children’s needs, your spouse’s hopes for love and attention.  This is good.  Tell yourself so!

Remember how Jesus was always trying to get away to a quiet place and his disciples always sought him out and found him.  How did he greet them?  He was welcoming, inviting, instructing, and correcting.  Remember how Jesus’ disciples asked Jesus teach us to pray?  They watched Jesus life, they saw how powerfully connect to the Father he was, they wanted that.  They asked him, “teach us to pray”.  They knew him as a trusted source for their soul to follow.

So it will be with your children.  They are your disciples now.  You will too find them wandering into your devotional hour, with requests.  Invite them in.  Sit them on your lap and read the verse aloud to them, ask them what they know from the verse.  Pray the verse with them, or just memorize the verse quietly while you rock them in your lap.

You are to do life with.  Every moment with them, talk to them, listen to them, hear their hearts, correct their errors, enjoy their delights.  Avoid the temptation to have others, have experts, have hired hands raise your children for you.  God gave these children to you, not to others.  They are yours to raise, to rear, to teach, to love, and to guard. 

Pray all the time.  You can pray while changing a diaper or recite a verse that is written above the changing table.  When you are together at night, eat a meal slowly, talk about the day, enjoy each moment together, pray thanksgiving for the moments He gave you that day or the difficulties you faced. 

When you put them to bed, include in your nightly ritual prayers of thanksgiving, prayers of repentance, the Lord’s prayer or another verse.  These are key moments to find God in your mind and hearts, to right your thinking and align your heart to His.  Bring your children with you in your spirituality and devotional life.

Impress them [the Lord’s laws/ways] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 6:7

Recipe

Accountability from a trusted friend is difficult. It is like swallowing a log, one that has occupied your eye for some time now. So, though the relief of removal is sweet initially, one quickly realizes this is going to hurt going down and will be processed for some time, being fiber and all. Yes, accountability sweet as honey, slicing like a sword.

Let me back up a little and begin with a little bit of background about my fascinating vacation.

It all started with a redirection of funds from our annual plane ticket purchases, invested in a similarly priced R.V.

Then, there we some plans, a whole lot of dreaming, some pretty big hopes. Those, along with our bicycles, were strung to the back of our new vehicle and away we went; taking my husband's few days of the year and laying them out in predictable snippets of time dedicated to equal parts family bonding, relaxing camping, and educational museums. It was all so very exciting.

And then we prayed.

We prayed for the typical things: God's provision, personal safety, our children to deepen their love for one another. Next, we had the bright idea of inviting God to clean house on our hearts: to show us where things might have gotten in between us and His sweet self, and to help our vacation to be rejuvenating on a soul level.

Seems like God was open to answering that prayer, and kept answering it for two whole weeks.

Our R.V. broke down on our first leg.  Then, we made the stressful decision to spend the extra money and fly to our final location.  Well, as if that were not enough, subsequent to our financial and dream based woes; the children got sick, our car at home got towed, and we had an extended family moment that resulted in me crying through a sleepless night, while my children cried through the anxiety of getting caught in extended family drama that was new to them. Whew, it felt like God just didn't like me at all anymore. What had I done?

So, I asked him.

It was around 3am, and I had been falling apart for two weeks now, and with nothing left to hold onto , tears streaming uncontrollably down my face with no stoppage.  I slumped, not so boldly, before the throne, and begged. For mercy, insight, and forgiveness for sins that the Lord- one by one- began to reveal, hurriedly, into my heart.

It was 6 am when I climbed out of bed, called a loving/God pursuing friend to pray for me: but first, she wanted to hear it all.

She called it God's pruning.

She told me to guard my children's hearts, that much of what had happened to us was unfair and harsh; a small comfort. Then, she asked if I wanted her to share a harder word- one for my growth. Issuing a breath prayer, that God help me not be crushed, I said yes.

I am all for growth, you know?

Well, this was the generous "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy (Prov. 27:6)" proverb that I have often read with an ironical interest.

Yes, I like growing more available to God: I beg for Him to create in me a clean heart. I let him know how much I long to know Him more completely, and I want more than anything, to be a better mother, wife, and friend. But does it have to smite so acutely? Does it have to hurt so much?

Apparently, the faithful part is in swallowing the pill, or the big snarly log from my eye - as the case may be.

So, I stand before you, with a cleaning out that leaves me shiny - scathed - but new of heart. A mother who will hold her children more gently, firm, but no longer harsh; a wife with out blame and filled with appreciation, a friend who can not judge, lest she be judged as well.


And the recipe for growth goes something like this:

Put in a enormous dollop of disappointing circumstances outside of your control,
Beat in a friend who loves at all times, even when a hard word is called for
Let rise a revelation of one's sinful heart's secret sins - unspoken, but truly there
Keep wisking in plans that come unraveled whenever a plan is made
Let no settling occur
Give it a week or two
Keep ones heart fresh before the Lord in prayer
Ask your husband often if he feels as blighted as you do, just for good measure
Thank the Lord for your life, and those of your loved ones; taking nothing for granted, keep thanking
When lost, make lists of good things you do have
Hold everything very lightly

And voila, you have the perfect recipe for growth.

You never know, a beautiful purifying of your heart might just come out in the end.

"I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, our Glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, that you may know Him better" - Ephesians 1:17

Let's keep asking...

Books

We settle down on the couch; deep exhale.  Our breath slows, our rhythm becomes one, we touch: cuddling close, everyone having to share mommy.  It is my favorite time of day: it is reading time.

Our chores are done, though there are always more to do.  Our school work finished, though we may not have gotten as much done today.  Our lunch warmly filling our bellies, or maybe we just had a peanut butter and bread break.  But it is time, and we must not let this time slip away, so we walk away from all else that pulls us, and we gather - together.

My voice, after years of practice, takes on the narrator and various characters, boys lower, men even more mature, girls are light and airy, unless they are serious ones, and then they require a more cautious tone.  The children listen, no one allowing each other to talk, they are rapt.  My daughter finger knits or dresses a doll, my boys paint or build with legos, or just relax dreamily next to me.

A pause comes, and then the flood of comments, of additional thoughts, of questions, of wondering.  My favorite part of my favorite time of day, the moment their hearts bubble up and gift me with the jewels hidden inside.  Noble thoughts, deep desires, happy hopes, truths discovered, giggles held;  it is my great joy.

"The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him." Proverbs 23:24

A chapter or two or three a day, of a book with noble themes and beautiful imagery and hilarious humor, make for an amazing building up of a child's heart, and eventual there will be righteousness, wisdom, from the hundreds and thousands of hours that add up to a childhood.


Here is a list to get us started. Though we started reading these books at this age, we don't stop there.  The children have enjoyed these titles again and again.  


Click on any title and enjoy reading more about each story or series:

0-2  Prayer for a Child
     Jessie Bear Series
       I Love You Stinky Face

3-4 Angus Series
      The Small Series
      One Morning in Maine, Blueberries for Sal, and Make Way for Ducklings
  
5-6 Peter Rabbit Stories
      The House at Pooh Corner and Now We Are Six
      Burgess Series

7-8 The Chronicles of Narnia
      The Little House on the Prairie
      Little Women Series

9-10 The Pilgrim's Progress
        Stepping Heavenward
        Treasure Island
     

Lent

It has been a fun season of feasting, and I can not believe it is over.  Lent marks the beginning of sorrow, of suffering, of remorse for our sinfulness and the world's fallen state.  It feels this way: gray skies, raining; thinking on my heart need to access Christ.

As I draw into a more reflective place, I think on grace, how much I need, how much God gives.  And, interestingly enough, my purpose on this earth is grace as well.


 Looking for a job title, I found this one: administer of his grace.

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." 1 Peter 4:10


Perhaps the "others" in the verse are my family, my children, my husband.   As I bumble along in motherhood how can I give my gifts to my children? What gifts have I received?  My children, my husband, my home, my groceries, my heart of love.  Are these the gifts?  My gift of time, of freedom to speak, of freedom to listen.  My mind, my experiences, my disappointments.  How can I use them to serve others and therefore faithfully administer God's grace?

I love the season of Lent, how it draws us inward, to the inner man, to find the curative grace that is the only salve.  Journeying toward this, I hope to hear His voice more fully, and there find mercy and grace for my soul.

Happy fourth week  of Lent!

Sushi

Fresh...that is what you want in Sushi.  I mean, here you are eating something raw, not flaky fall of the skin, but chewy fresh off the bone.  And so, in order to satisfy the palate and comfort the belly, it sure has to be fresh.

And when it is, it is pure heaven; buttery, melt in your mouth, nothing like it, light and airy, fresh.

It is amazing how much that is true of my spiritual life as well.  Memorizing verses, knowing biographies of saints that have gone before me, adhering to daily disciplines of faith, knowing right doctrine of theology all ground and root me.  But on the daily level, I am still in need of manna.  Pick it while it's ripe, only take what you can eat, wafer like in translucence-manna.

Today, I awoke sad. Loath to get out of bed, my morning walk spoiled by the rain, the home overwhelmed by every housekeeping need in the book, my husband gone for an early morning of work, children already squabbling over knights and legos; I lingered, I sighed, I prayed, "Lord, help me with the motivation to get out bed, to do this day well".

The prayer, it continued.  I stood, and chose not to dress, not to make my bed, yet.  To just make it to the front room, to smile with each nodding head of childish sweetness, to make sure breakfast was satisfying and good, was enough.  And I ate my manna.

The work of listening to the older two children list the reasons they had not started math, the younger two walk through whose turn it was with Robin Hood's figurine, to take the dog out in the rain for a quick jaunt, to find the coffee still hot; I breathed a silent prayer of taking in, of eating the manna.

Fresh.  Fresh wind, fresh fire, Fresh food for the moment.  Give me what I need to follow you in this moment.  Carry me, carry me....

The children are a bright spot, a gift.  But the laundry, the sink of soaking dishes, the toys and clothes strewn on every floor, are harder to conquer, to obey, the be in...they sink me down and call me to find a new hope, every day, every day, every day.

So, I am thankful, for sushi (yum) that reminds me of my Lord's sweet daily bread, the freshness of it, the daily newness of it, that fills me just enough in this moment to live and breath and have my being.  Without Him, I do not know if the children's dear light of laughter and sillies and cuddles on the couch would touch me as profoundly.

And I know for sure the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and food shopping would stand out only in their lackluster mundanity, if it were not for the freshness found in eating of Him, in each moment, with each passing need, in each daily chore.

Fresh.  Where are you needing a fresh word, presence, experience?  Come to Him and find...

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. 1 Peter 2:2-3

Listen

What do you think is the most important thing for a new mom to have? A Target gift card, a Costco life time membership, the super nanny as your personal assistant?

Well that was the question burning in my mind as I brought home my first little bundle of joy.

I had just given up a good career to be a full time mommy, I was a new at this, worried about doing right…by God, by my husband, by my children

I had no family nearby, my husband was working by day, schooling in the evening, and studying late into the night.

I was staying home with a sense of conviction that God had called me to do so, but had no idea how to do it

Did I mention we had very little money, and I had few friends in a similar life stage.

What did I turn to? Well first, I determined to use the best product ever devised for each stage of baby development.  When that didn’t work out, I turned to Books (books on perfect parenting, the right technique for sleep, the perfect way to raise a child in Christ), blogs, groups (Christian groups, secular groups, groups that charged and groups that were free).

All the while, I fell into a state of anxiety, comparing my lot to those with easier ones. Mothers whose skills were far superior to mine, had mother in laws in town, money to hire babysitters, husbands home to help with dishes, themed bedding to match themed baby rooms (we didn’t even have an extra room for baby)…

And in desperation, I began to pray, to have a daily quiet time like my life depended on it, to begging the Lord to help me complete the good work of raising my children that I felt he had called me to do. 

God reminded me of this amazing missionary.  Perhaps you have heard of Mary Slessor?  She was this incredible tiny woman who at 27 and single, moved from Scotland to present day Nigeria and successfully led thousands of Africans to Christ, established churches and schools, rescued orphans, and did it all alone, deep in the interiors of a foreign land.  What was her key ingredient?  Well here it is, pause and see:

She spoke to God as though he existed,
listened for his answer,
and then did exactly as he instructed her.

There is a moment when she needs to build a shelter for herself, and she does not yet speak the local language, and there are no other Europeans to ask to help, so she says to God: “God, I need to you teach me how to build a house” and he did, he told her what kind of whitewash to use and how to combine it with local mud and rock and pretty soon she had a beautiful house that stood for years, home to her and her many adopted children.

…God was showing me how tangibly present he could be, if I would only trust him, lean on him… and him alone…

Isaiah in chapter 40:9-11, addressing the downcast people, says to them

“Here is your God!” See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,  and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him and his recompense accompanies him.  He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Did you catch that? 

He gently leads those who have young.

His desire is not to abandon you to your own strength, using you few resource to drum up a successful raising of your children.  He doesn’t wait for me to mess up and then grade me.  He isn’t hoping we will worry, fear, and fret our way through motherhood.

He is our shepherd, and we know his voice, and are tended by him.  He gathers us into his arms, he carries us close to his heart, and when we have little lambs, little children under our care, he gently, gently lead us.

So I began to look for God’s voice, to try to recognize it, and to follow his gentle leadership.  I trusted his heart that cares so much about my every little concern.  I prayed over how to cook a meal, an hour before meal time.  I prayed about how to shop, before I left the car in the parking lot.  I prayed for patience when my two colicky children hit hour 5 of non stop crying and I was all alone.  I listened for his voice, I looked for my shepherd, and I found his gentle hand…leading me, guiding me, giving me ideas on what to cook that night, helping me avoid poor purchases at the grocery, teaching me to sing hymns of hope and toil while my children suffered with discomfort.

And he is here for you too. come to him, let him be your counselor,  know his presence in each little moment of your day

I began to rest in God, I began to quietly trust him, not books, not blogs, not perfect parenting techniques, not beautifully made strollers, but him.  And so, it has become my daily mothering experience, and I hope you will find it to be yours as well, that as you cry for help, like it says in Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Grace

Leaning heavily upon a friend, I sent a text asking for encouragement.  It had been a few weeks of near constant activity, hosting, helping, serving, and being needed.  The lack of a sense of God's touch was tangible, and I sought a friend to help me see things more clearly.

Look for grace.

Simple, yet so not as clear as I had hoped.  The mystery intrigued me, and, I was too tired to argue, so I just tried it.  Every time I felt the tasks before me too great, my internal integrity pulled too thin, or my temptation to give up, I breathed the word of encouragement.  I prayed, "Grace, Lord, help me find grace".

Though the world didn't come tumbling through the door in a perfectly packaged boxes, what did come in seemed to float above me, as I found myself moored to God's grace in quiet yet profound ways.  I didn't have to speak up to be heard, I didn't have to stuff my emotions to be strong, I didn't have to rush in to get my need met.  Entering into a gentle silence became possible for me, in ways it never had seemed to before.

Looking for grace, asking for God to give grace, I had found grace!

"Turn to me and have mercy on me, as you always do to those who love your name." Psalm 119:132


This is what is required of me when I was out of my league.  And I find it more and more.  As I pursue God's high calling, focusing on doing all things well, loving on family with intentionality, being character defined by each moment instead of stymied by my own lack of ability, it becomes more and more common for me to have to rely solely and uninhibitedly on His grace.

God must chuckle even as I post this.  Of course, my dear, the only way you will relinquish your life to me is when it is impossible to do it on your own strength and talent.  Yet, here I am, surprised, and joy filled.  It is God's gentle grace that put me in the impossible calling, and then His gentle grace that supplies me with all I need to get through it.

And all this, with a simple breath prayer:

Grace






laughter, breathing, being, knowing

Sweets

We took the day off today.  Our regular schedule was put on hold, we lingered in our pjs, we rested.  I am finding it needed more and more in our school schedule, rigor is good, but rest in good too.  I love that I can declare it, any day, and we can do other things.

Other things this week meant making cookies for the neighbors, reading Christmas stories, playing board games, singing Christmas Carols, and all the while reflecting on the season of waiting, of receiving gifts, of giving love.

As I type, the children are playing a Christmas word puzzle, and murmuring to one another, giggling, and agreeing together as they map out solutions to their game.

Some days I am amazed at the fruit of following hard after Christ.

As a homemaker, I must clean and pick up daily, washing dishes until my hands dry up, my laundry pile is a constant mountain to be chipped away.  As a wife, my husband needs a listening ear, a sympathetic thought toward his hard day's work, a belief in all he is and is becoming, while taking care of his meals, clothes, children, and keeping the home a refuge.

As a mother, warmth must be found in my smile and hopeful heart, the children must be seen as gifts to be given great swaths of space in our lives, every night includes an hour of cuddles, question answering, and stories.  As the chief child trainer, every argument must be walked through, every meal must include many hands in the preparation, every bad attitude must be reoriented, sleep must be given, stable home life must be provided, kindness must be encouraged, each child's character must be molded.  As a home schooling mom, every day I wake to questions about the day's math problems and must search out a good poem to memorize, I must continue to pursue good things to add to their day, to find positive experiences, and God's goodness must be reflected in a day's lessons.

It is a lot of hard work, but it is all worth it.

On this day of quiet reflection and rest, of taking the day off, I see so much that God is doing in the mix.  The soft murmurs of my children as they peacefully play with one another, says it all.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Mind Matters

When a mild slope of depression threatened to submerge me into a state of low affect, I called out to God,  even as I didn't want to.  And he heard my prayer.

His sweet voice beckoned me back, with this simple word, "expectations".  I kept hearing it as I prayed quietly in my slippery state of sadness.  Here was God inviting me to see what he saw so clearly.  So, I bravely took a look.  What expectations?

Well, this little princess discovered, my expectations.  Boy, was I sheepish as I found a lot of them.

Apparently, moving closer to family, driving for every holiday or birthday, being in a home with trees and lush greenery, and having this here on earth, was an expectation of mine.  Even though my husband and I had eight years ago decided these dreams would not be mine, I hadn't really let them go.  Here they were drowning me.

So, when bright city lights beaconed through my home, when two am tow trucks woke me from my sleep, when family had to pay a small fortune just to spend a holiday with me, I grew bitter.  When the children asked for a tree to climb, when vacations included a beautiful setting that reminded me of my longing for a pretty home, and when my "family" became friends whose life turns had kept them from their relations, I grew sad.

But it was all in my mind.  It was all in my expectations.  Why had my expectations grown so exact and when was I going to let go of them?

Now, it turns out.  Thanksgiving week, actually.  I laid it all out on the table, with God, and my husband. As I prayed and conversed, the obvious became reality: I had to let God's reign rule in my mind.  I had to give up the thoughts I was letting rustle around in there, the expectations of having a comfortable little life near family and in the great outdoors.  I had to embrace realities that did not match my expectations, and call them good.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2


May your Advent season, the season of expectations, be filled, as mine has most recently, with the thoughts and mind of God.  May you find in it, rest for your weary souls and joy brightening your darkest nights.

Input

When I first noticed my little baby girl needed more than to sleep and eat, it dawned on me that her non eating and non sleeping time must be filled with something.  I had no idea what that something should be.

What does God say about this?  Is there anything in his Word that would point me toward areas I could develop and steer my little daughter?  I found amazing answers; useful for planning my moments, days, and weeks with my children.

Here is the nugget I stumbled upon:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -Philippians 4:8

Such a beautiful statement; I saw here the content that must fill our lives.

Out went the television.  Yes, we got rid of a brand new LCD television someone had given us. Years later, my mother bought us a television so she could watch her morning news while she stayed with us, but it remains in the attic for her, and now, is outdated with no digital capacity.

Out went the newspaper with it's forboding ponderings. Out went magazines, good ones and juicy ones (by this I mean my addiction to voyeuristic interest in famous people's lives, also known as "Celebrity Gossip" magazines).  Out went using the radio in the car.  I even cut myself down to checking email once a week.  No other internet access.

It silenced the house.  We woke to the sounds of neighbors heading off to work, wind rustling in the trees, dogs barking, birds chirping, and the children's pitter pattering little feet.  My mind was not immediately swept into someone else's world or someone else's worldview.  I sat in my own home and it became so very still, and peaceful.  I could hear again sounds I had long ago chosen to overwhelm with the distractions.  I could see again the beauty around me.

I started having my daily quiet time again.  Especially since there was not a lot else to do.  I read the Bible to my children.

So far, so good.

Now what?

Three amazing books started me in the right direction.

The Last Child in the Woods showed me how much outdoor time was missing in my children's lives.  We started eating twice a day outdoors.  It was a simple space, one shared with our duplex and rear duplex neighbors, but it had a tree, and a blanket made it such a nice respite.  I threw out plastic, battery operated, and non-creative toys.  We simplified life to sticks, balls, dolls, dirt, leaves, trees, blocks, and other open ended toys.

Endangered Minds  showed me how much it mattered that my children's early years (and majority of the rest of their lives) were spent engaging substance. I was encouraged to give my children early bedtimes, with lots of naps, and regular down time to process stimulating activities.  For this reason, we still live very simply regarding play dates, museums, sports, and enrichment activities.  We try to always allow plenty of prep time before any activity and plenty of down time afterwards. This book helped me get rid of my television. Still to this day, the children do not have video games, computer games/computer clubs, or television/movies in their lives.  The limitation of these things, helped me to have more free time with them outdoors, playing creatively indoors, and reading.

The Read Aloud Handbook was a life saver.  Now that I had gotten rid of all sorts of dumbing down devices, I need to know what to fill up that space in my children I had created.  Jim Trelease was a God send.  We went straight to the library once a week, got quality books, and read and read and read.  At one point, I was reading aloud three to four hours a day.  I still read aloud to my 9 and 8 year old, as well as my 4 and 2 year old. We read high level chapter books daily.

At breakfast, it is the Child's Story Bible or our church's daily Bible reading.  At lunch, I read a chapter book for an hour (we just finished Little Men by Louisa May Alcott), at nap/rest time I read three picture books to the little ones (my 4 year old is enchanted with knights and dragons, so we read books about the Knights of the Round Table and a picture book of Pilgrim's Progress, called The Dangerous Journey) and then an hour of another chapter book to the older children (we are currently in Emmy-Lou by Mrs. George Madden Martin).  During chores, we listen to librivox, an online audio recording of books in the public domain (we are currently listening to Elizabeth Prentiss' journal Stepping Heavenward, an amazing journey of a girl growing into a woman and trying to honor God at every step).  And then, before bed (currently we are reading through Thorton Burgess stories).

We read books, to fill the time.  We play outdoors, climbing trees and picking daisies.  We listen and watch the world around us.

Are there ways you can fill your mind with truth? Are there ways you can occupy your time with moments of excellence?  Are there areas you can surround yourself with places that are lovely?

It can be such a rich life.  And you can enjoy it with your children.

What's in a name...

As a mother, I have a unique space with my children, to create.  I can create meaning as I pause in our day to describe the beauty of a sunset.  When my boys grasp to be first,  I can define the moment where we seek to be servants; we can choose to be last.  As we talk about a fellow playmate's fascination with base jokes, I can give the children fodder for thought on how we can laugh around more lovely subjects.


Likewise, I can destroy.  I can take the hope out of the little voice asking to come see the cockroach he just killed with an ignoring response.  When my son pours milk in the cup, on the counter, and it begins to drip down to the floor, I can miss the opportunity to call him a helpful big brother with a testy reaction to the mess.  When my child needs me to be the authority in their lives, I can overly expose them to the whims of the world as I seek to be their peer.

I can create, and I can destroy.


(Bob Dylan song in my head here, yes I have spent many years with my children's music as my mainstay. Go ahead, listen to it as you read on :)



"Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field." -Genesis 2:19-20


I don't know about you, but I am fascinated by this incredible window into God's relationship with us.  At the very beginning of the world, even as Adam is still wiping the dust off from his emergence, low and behold, here is God bringing over a fluffy timid bunny, a mournfully squawking feathered peacock, a scaly iridescent beta fish.  


And what is God doing as he brings them to Adam,?  He is waiting.  You get a feeling He is expectantly waiting, with excitement, as he listens to Adam.  You can almost hear Him whispering, "What about this one, Adam, what do you think we should call him?"


And that was it.  The authority is apparent, it says, whatever Adam chose as a name, that would be it.  There are few moments as poignant as this one. God is sharing his gift of creation by giving his newly made man this creative privilege.


And He offers me the same.  And He offers you the same.  Somehow, in the profound mystery that is God's plan, we are co-creators in this world.  We are namers.


Look back over your day, over your week, over your children's young lives.  What are the names you have given them?  Are they: special, precious, my lovies, beautiful, handsome, amazing, beloved, good?


When they do something so very imperfect, when they get in the way of your well planned day, when they interrupt your oh so spiritual quiet time, how are you naming them?  Do you let slip: messy, annoying, clumsy, distracted, sensitive, slow, lazy, a problem?


What about the names they know you mean for them?  Is it little lamb or a kid?  Is it precious or dude?  Is it wise one or too smart for her own good?  Is it blessings or rugrats? Is it creating or is it destroying?


There are power in those words.  They carry with them authority.  They will stick.  As mothers, they are ours to give.  God lets us name.  And, I think, He is waiting, listening, excitedly.  Mary Robin, what do you think we should name this one?

Support

As I entered the adult world, I had been given all the tools to be a successful career woman.  I had gone to a rigorous college, been given a honors scholarship, enrolled in an exclusive honors program with one on one access to the top professors, done internships in my chosen area, completed a master's level of education, worked for years in the field, with great success.  I was very prepared for professional work.

Yet when this tiny little child took my heart away, it became apparent that nothing in this world I could do would compare with the impact I could have on this little life.

My father had always told me, "do the thing that no one else can do but you."  And it became apparent that no one else could be the mother to my baby and create a home life for my family other than me.  I was thrilled at the prospect.

However, I had not been groomed for this new role, I had not been handed the tools to take this role up seamlessly, and I needed help.  It came from some amazing places.

A dear friend, 7 years younger than me, showed up at the hospital with diapers and an outfit.  I had not even realized I would be needing these things.  But sure enough, they were the exact thing for that exact moment that were most imperative.  My daughter left the hospital dressed and dry.

I continued to follow this sweet woman into her home, getting together with her as often as she would have me.  She already had two children of her own, and her home was everything mine wasn't and mine needed to be.

T. let me in her home two or three times a week.  She always was cooking and cleaning, though she did not require that her house be perfect to let me in.  Far from it, she allowed me to see it messy, see the children in various stages of ready for the day, and watch as she negotiated breast feeding, meal prep, decorating, sewing, gardening, and child development activities.  Her home was a bustle of activity, and so very alive. I took copious notes, and still am imitating her well loved home.

Her home was alive; with her artistic and gentle heart at the middle of it.

From her, I learned to make a chicken, make salads with every meal, draw and sit with the children, create a home that is inspiring, have a garden of herbs, to breast feed, and to nap my children.  Yes, you heard it, nap.

At the time, I was still just letting my little daughter dictate when she wanted to sleep.  One day, as I was sitting with her in my arms, my dear friend T. noted, "You know, she will be a much less grumpy child if you lay her down for regular naps, BEFORE she starts to get sleepy".

Ahh, the years of peace in my home this one timely advice has given me and my family.  I asked her to write down a sleep/wake schedule, which she penciled on the back of an envelop from my purse.  I went home, tacked that little crumpled piece of paper to my wall, and began meticulously following it.

I have been a big advocate of regular naps ever since. And my children nap regularly and are grumpy no more, and all thanks to my friend T.

As I reflect on what has made me the mother I am today, I realize solid friends are at the core of much of my successes.

For the friendship to be a gleaning one, I must have a teachable spirit in me.  I must be willing to open up and allow kind individuals into my life who are one, two or even ten years ahead of me in motherhood.

And second, for it to be a grace filled one, the friend must be an unconditionally accepting one, willing to come over to my house, and have me in their home.  A person willing to give me their time, allow me access to them even in their imperfections.  One who can observe my life, give me tidbits of input, and be a great example of motherhood to me.

Where are you needing to open up your life to  another, so you can glean from them?

Where are you needing to pursue a friend who needs a good example and a grace filled friendship?

It will make all the difference in the world.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
         So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. -Proverbs 27:9

Daily

Sometimes it is depressing, how poor of a cook I am.  I will plan a meal, and not get the right groceries, buy the groceries and let them go bad in the fridge, cut the veggies and then burn them, put the meat to the pan only to have it come out under cooked.  It is embarrassing, and true.  My dear family can recount  the meals through which they have suffered.

For starters, as I child, I was not given the opportunity to help prepare every dinner or shown how a meal magically makes it to the table (home or restaurant or take out).

A tragedy really, as people do need to eat: 3 times a day.  And I have lots of little people in my house who are counting on me to make that happen.

Another area where I really lacked skills, was in child rearing. I was in love with my little ones the moment they were handed to me, especially if you define love as protective; these babies were not going to get hurt or lack under my watch.

But the actual needs of the child were beyond me: the need to be changed when wet, bathed when dirty, teeth brushed twice a day, hair combed into beautiful plaits.  I soon discovered that when babies cry, they needed to be held, comforted, rocked.  As two of my four developed colic, it meant they need to be held constantly, continuously patted, always moved about.

Also imperative was the need to give boundaries. It was imperative for me to to follow up on those boundaries.  I could not let my child cross a boundary with out an immediate consequence.

If they whined, I had to tell them to cheerfully voice their request.  If they asked after being told no, I had to tell them no was not to be questioned.  If they hit, I had to hold the brandishing arm and shush the angry spirit.  If they were headed to the ground to thrash their bodies about in protest, my firm hand had to be there to guide their bodies upward and their faces to mine.  If they took without asking, I had to remind them no deed goes unnoticed.

It was enough to push a patient person to the brink, and I was not a patient person - by any stretch of the imagination.

I think if there had been any way around it, I would have gone there.  But there was no way around it.

We had no family in town to help, no cheerful mentor mom to pop over with guidance, no money to pay a babysitter, no extra income to hire help, and my husband was a full time student and a full time employee.  Yep, I was stuck with the job of feeding and raising the children; it was up to me.

So, like many a good woman of yore, I cried out to God.

"Oh, woe is me, Lord. [interject whiny voice here] I am a stranger in a strange land and these children need a mother but I am sorely poised for the task. [convincing Him this is not possible for me]  Show me the way out of this mess Lord [and here I show him the obvious solution], give me a friend, a mentor mom, or rain down the money so I can hire help.  Just have my husband come home and do it for me,[see, four easy steps] oh Lord, hear me now![notice the helpful biblical tone]"

Needless to say, God's was pretty much mute on the subject.  And it took me a few years to fully understand why.

As it turns out (and you, my dear reader, have already probably noted) I was asking God and man to do my work for me.  And though our Lord is the Lord of the Sabbath, he also made 6 days of work, and saw it as good.

There are different types of work.  I find the most important work is often not attached to a salary.

So, I had to get to work.  I had to get off my pity party to do it; and I had so enjoyed my little pity party.

Here I was, pressed with no choice but to avail.  I had to cook 3 healthy meals a day and these children had to be raised, and raised well.

It was then that God began to show me that every journey begins with a foot step, every plant starts as a seed, and that life could not be rushed into being.

So began my dailies.

I had to daily ask the Lord for help, then daily stand on my own two feet, then daily walk into the bathroom with cheer, while I daily brushed 4 sets of teeth and bathed 4 sets of bodies.  Next, I daily boiled a pot of water, while I daily added whole grain oatmeal, and then daily handed out bowls to be set at the table. I daily watched over behaviors and attitudes, as I daily read the Bible aloud, and daily help the children draw.  I  daily read a quality book aloud, then daily set the children up for puzzle time, while I daily sat and had my quiet time.

Though my rhythm varies during the week, and development changes in the children's capacities calls for adjustments, this has become the way I approach cooking and child rearing.  Surprisingly, it works.

It is a slow, disciplined way to bring about great, exciting results.

My patience has increased as I see life as a set of dailies.  My cooking has improved to the point that 3 out of 4 meals turn out edible!   My children have become quite enjoyable to one another and to me. And, I really like my work.  I wake up with something purposeful to put my hand to, that of improving my life and the lives of husband and children.

It has given me a sense of joy that my pity parties never did.

What are your dailies?  Where can you begin to work today?

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalms 126:5

Imitators

Walking on the beach one day, it became apparent that no matter where I went, my daughter did as well.  When I ran toward the waves, giggling with delight, so did she.

When I walked slowly and talked of the beauty before us, she slowed down to experience it with me.  She never ran ahead, only waited to see where I would go, and then she walked confidently after me.

It struck me then, I had a little disciple on my hands, and she was following me without even thinking there might be another way.

It is hard to think ill of ourselves, in the deepest sense.


If you ask us, we might mention feeling too small for a big task or insignificant in the eyes of others or ashamed of our own shortcomings and sin.  But, if you were to catch us on an average day and investigate how we are moving forward, usually we are permissive with ourselves and have excuses for our negative thoughts, emotions, and actions.

God planned it well to give us these little imitators whose daily living tell the real story.

Little ducks, learn to walk, swim, and eat by following their mother everywhere and imitating her ways; so too our children are built to bond with their mother, follow her everywhere, and imitate her ways.  And this is the rub: our ways are not always as exemplary as they could be.

So what is a mother to do? 

We must become worthy of imitation.

We must find God, as Saint Augustine spoke, by seeking him within.

Evaluate values: are we concerned with the things of the soul or with outward signs of importance?  Revisit free time: are we occupying ourselves with things that build up or things that tear down; are we balancing rest and work, over working, or just zoning out through life? Look upon manner: are we gentle and hopeful of speech, or harsh and despairing, are we jovial or cynical, merry or mocking?  Think upon method: are we seeking always to serve or seeking to be served, do we ask ourselves “how can I help” or “who is here to help me”, do we deny ourselves or force our way? Do we live intentionally after God or do we only pretend to be after Him?

The areas of my life that were all about me, or allowable without children, were no longer going to be enough.  I was raising little ones to follow in my footsteps.

It is not enough to say I am sorry for my imperfections, but repentance must be firmly resolved as well.  It is not enough to pray for my sins to be gone, I must be willing to be humbled in my view of myself to truly eradicate them.  It is not enough to note what is wrong; I must be willing to change.

Sometimes I have to ask for for help, go to a trusted counselor, and walk through the problem areas in my life and hear how growth is possible.  Sometimes I have to be really honest with myself, how I am making excuses, thinking thoughts of self-centeredness, allowing emotional indulgences that lead to a sentimental life, or wishing for a life in which I am not willing to do the hard work.  And much of the time, when I have fully dedicated myself to Him, the grace of God fills up the holes without much effort from me.  This always amazes me, and leaves me so thankful for God’s mercy.

In what ways do you need to reevaluate your life?  What parts of yourself are you seeing reflected in your children’s poor attitudes and troubling tendencies?  Where might you need to center yourself on  Jesus ways and be so in your home and to your family? 

Know that there is grace, and even as you bravely confess the truths of your life, God rushes in.  He is a gentle guide toward all things good and right and true; his beauty can be yours also.  Know that as you imitate and walk in his ways, you bless your children with a mom who is worthy of imitation.

“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” –Ephesians 5:1, 2

Innocence

"While reading Louisa May Alcott's book Little Men to the children during lunch, my daughter insightfully comments on the character Daisy.

"Mom"she says "this must have been at the time when children were allowed to be young."

"Tell me more about that sweetheart."

"Well, Daisy is 12 and she can still play with dolls and her Aunt likes to read her stories.  It is not like today, where every one is in such a hurry to grow the children up, and want them to talk about the news and worry about adult things." she quips.

My heart broke listening to her insight that the window is so short for childhood.

And it is getting shorter.

Have you noticed the pressure placed on our children in today's fast paced society?

Children are expected at a very young age to understand complex adult situations, politics, world concerns, and national crises.  They are entertained with media of disturbing images, coquettish relational dynamics, and child characters burdened by the world on their shoulders.  Children are dressed as little adults, and not exactly modestly clad. They are abandoned to peer groups while expected to negotiate those relations bereft of adult guidance and direction.

Free play is often removed because of the anxiety for children to excel at younger and younger ages.  The average 3-6 year old has scant few hours in the day to dig a hole, climb a tree, sit in a swing, sing, dance in circles, build with blocks, day dream on a couch, dress up as their favorite book character, or roll around in the grass.

The average 7-12 year old has no time for such childish pursuits.

What is the solution?  What can we do about this?  How can we reverse these trends in our own families?

It is very complicated.  And yet, we can start with something simple.  A dose of patience.

Seems simple, but as I try it myself, I find it very challenging.

If we could meditate on the fact that our children very soon will be older.  If we can just believe that there will come the day for that life stage.  Then, we can rest in that knowledge.

If we can realize, they will never again be children, that the innocence of their age will quickly pass, we will become advocates of an unhurried childhood.  We can engage this life stage with a focus vigilance against anything that would seek to destroy it.

We can slow down, and let them be children.

Then, when they are older, when they are ready, they can jump into the adult stage with joy.  Having fully realized their childhood, they can become adults unimpeded and with gusto. Having waited for the season of friendships, world pursuits and adult problems, they will find themselves anxious to get started on their maturing.

Can you try with  me to slow down and give your children the childhood they so long for?  Can we, together, find patience and trust in God's timing to guide your way?

May we all be able to see, when we look back on our children's first years, a childhood.

"When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When became a man, I put childish ways behind me" -1 Corinthians 13:11

Little Moments

There are great moments in our lives.  The moment we begin to realize we are independent from others, free to make our own choices.  The moment we experience what desperate sinners we are, and in that same glance, how overpoweringly Jesus' gift to us is with his unconditional love.  The moment we hold our lovers' hand, walking down the aisle, into a future of companionship and mission. The moment we first hold our precious child in our arms, still warm from the womb, and cradle them near our breasts, and just cry and cry with gratitude that God would deem us worthy of raising up a little life.

And then, there is the rest of our lives.

The moments we don't count, or court, or notice are the ones that really make up our days.  They are the ones, that in the end, really matter.

And I find, it is in the later not the former, that I must live out my spiritual development.

Can I submit to God when he asks me to put down my book and watch my son build his newest block creation?  Can I sacrifice time of talking with a friend to listen to my daughter's thoughts on why her dolls should be arranged in the manner they are?  Can I patiently let the children help me stir the food on the stove, carefully rinse and cut the vegetables, and describe to them the step by step process of what we are making?  Will I spend my afternoon reading aloud or micro-cleaning the floors?  Can I find the courage to face the hard work of walking the children through yet another sibling squabble?

The submission, the patience, the courage, the diligence, the listening, are all part of the call of being a mother.  Yet, each time these moments arrive, there is a small choice.  Should I rush ahead with my busy schedule or slow down and be the mother in each of those little moments.

It matters.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit.  There is such a dependency on Him as a counselor, guide, and encourager in those moments for me.  Often my prayer is, "Sharpen my character here, Lord.  Guide me to thy way everlasting and not my way - ever exasperating.  Help me to see You in this moment.  Give me grace to let my four year old measure the 1/4 teaspoon of salt with out growing peevish about how much winds up on the floor."

When I do remember to pray, and when I do listen to His guidance and not my own, I often find those moments become easier, and well, down right fun!  I can feel my shoulders relaxing, can hear myself laughing, and the sight of my four children noticing the change is - priceless.

So, here is to more moments of spiritual depth.  And as the great moments come in life, my character with its spiritual depth intact, will be so much more able to enjoy them.

And I encourage you as well, fellow travels on the road of life.  Take the moments, the little insignificant ones.  Allow God to shape you into his form in those times, and you will add up, to someone great!

And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Romans 5:4

Best

Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Proverbs 29:17 



Training my new dog reminds me invariably of training my own children. And I don't mean that in a bad way. I like dogs.

Let me backtrack a moment. Yes, children's eternal souls are knitted together by God and given a destiny, a future. Dogs, well, they return to their own vomit and what not. Their value is not measurable in comparison to the inestimable value of one's own child. However, there are similarities.

My dear little dog will tend to relieve herself on my nice white rug if I do not watch her closely and remind her as soon as she starts sniffing, that we definitely, ahem, allow that sort of thing to be done outside. And I must be watchful, swift, and decided or my nice white rug will be not so nice so very soon.

My dear children are the same. If I don't remind my sweet two year old son that no we do not fall on the floor crying in a heap when a cookie is refused or a favor asked or nap time mentioned, then my sweet refuge of a home will quickly spiral into a chaotic unlivable spot on earth where many will think to curse the day. And this is not the point. Of having children or days.

It must be swift and decided, I must be watchful and quick, or the whole decadent delight in experiencing the full range of terrible emotions will be my son's, and the whole range of woe-is-me experiences will be mine.

A happy home this is not.

My dog, and yes, again with the dog, is one who responds favorably to the training. After several weeks of said consistent treatment I have found her to make it outside for all things doggie nine times out of ten. And the tenth time being when the door is closed, a doggie door would be nice.

My dear son, and other children who have been trained thus far in like manner, that of consistency not doggie doors, are responding in kind.

Because they know there is no wiggle room, and because they have me ever at their heels when wiggle room is attempted, and because the consequence of wiggling (of course here wiggling would mean the refusal to nap, the inability to cheerfully agree to chores, the sneaking of a forbidden cookie) has been noted to be unpleasurable, down right painful in fact, they find themselves in a home of harmony.

Moments of digression from norms aside, for the most part, theirs is a home of smooth family relations that include giggles, sillies, sharing, and merriment of all kinds.

The poop and pee are out of doors.

The unfettered emotions have found their master.

The child has been released to enjoy life in his home. As has the parent. And the dog.

All is well with the world once again. Ahhh, the joys of a well trained child.