Submission

Fretting, feeling overwhelmed with tasks, I look up and see my husband come in the door.  He's early, he's late, he's tired, he's hungry, he's frazzled, he's just stopping in for a moment before a night meeting: most important?  He's here.

I stop washing the dishes, turn the stove off (lest I forget it's holdings), quiet the children's pressing requests, stop writing the email and I rush to him, embrace, kiss, hold, smile, capture his eyes, capture his heart.  He's here.

It is a decision he makes daily, to stop the tide of unruly requests for his time and energies, to walk away from necessary and important tasks, hurting and needy people, a desk full of to do projects, and walks into our home, the least I can do is run to meet him.

It is a decision I make daily, to let my anxious heart be placed quietly in my Savior's hands, to humble my tasks before the enormity of my dear husband's desire to connect: to see someone who believes in him, to feel the warm embrace, to find refuge in my heart.

He's home.


It wasn't always like this.  There was a day, a time in our marriage, when my needs stayed at the forefront of my mind and heart when I saw him.  There were days, filled with frustration at his needs, where I actually welcomed him with my anger or even neglected to greet him at all.  I was a self centered wife back then, my heart not submitted to God's desire and design, unable to see my husband's desperate hopes for a tender heart in this harsh and exacting world.

And, we were okay.  We fought, there were tensions, I longed much, but he accommodated and danced around my moods and tried to fill my requests.  He put up with me.  He loved me.  And I missed so many opportunities, I sorely missed the mark on a daily level.  Yet, we trudged forward

Then the light came on.  I started to blame myself, and not him, for my woes.  I started to focus on being his support, of hearing his dreams and sacrificing for them, of letting go of my demanding ways, of becoming the woman who is subject to her husband as to the Lord

And then it was as the though the floodgates had broken, and the water rushed in. Our marriage righted in balance, as I allowed my femininity to respond to his masculinity, as I allowed the servanthood of Christ be the shining example for how I approached my husband; we connected on a deeper level of intimacy and sweetness than I thought possible, his strength grew with each interaction.  It was the secret elixir to a positive marriage.

Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. 

As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything

Ephesians 5:22-24

Now, seven or eight years later, I can hardly remember the woman I used to be, the thoughts I used to let swirl around in my mind: thoughts of him needing to be home on time, him needing to fill my needs, him needing to be something he is not; thoughts of me not fulfilling my potential when laundry, picking up, dishes, cooking, and discipline fill my days and nights.

These thoughts are but distant ghosts, small echoes, I can barely make out.

They are replaced with: gratefulness for a husband who wants to come home to me, and does, when his pressing schedule allows, a desire for my husband's needs to be meet, for his potential to be found, for his hopes to become realities, and excitement to hear, at the end of his day, his depth of heart, his simple worries, his hopes.

Daily, I set aside coffee time in the morning, stopping chores and children, to ask how his day looks, what I can pray for him, how I can find him in the midst of a busy list of tasks.  Evenings, he gets the first fruits of my free time, that he might find a willing ear to his needs, a warm cup of tea, a happy believer in him.

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any [of them] are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1

Each day we dance together, finding each other in our opposite roles, finding ourselves in the respect and love coming our way.  It is a dance that is delightful, and though I step on toes and stumble through moves, most times, it is so beautiful, the dance makes my heart full and my home warm.

Love

I just love love.  The total abandon given when our hearts lead us past our resisting minds and forcing our delighted wills, to relent.

Jesus, was my first true love.  Though, my father paved the way, with his gentle love of me when I was sick and his sweet allowance of me to shadow his gardening and hardware weekend work on the house.  When he was in town, I was stuck to him like glue.  When he was away on business or working late past my bedtime, my isolation was acute.

So, when someone told me Jesus loved me completely, regardless of my terrible temper, passionate opining, horrific acts of selfishness, and vain attempts for glory.  Jesus wanted me, and wanted me to want Him.  It was over, just over.  I was, literally, over the moon in love.  And the love affair is still going on.

Then there was Aron, my most adorable hunk of a guy, whose good looks could have gotten him through many a door, but he chose to hold it open for everyone else instead.  His amazing ability to love tenderly, yet with such competency at getting me to go where I needed to, to do what needed done, without so much as a word spoken, just amazed me, as it does to this day.  His fierce protectiveness of the unwanted and overlooked, is probably what brought me into his scope in the first place.  And, I am much the better for it.  Like my mom said when Aron asked my parents for my hand in marriage, "Mary Robin, you sure are lucky, don't ruin it."  I have been trying, and failing, ever since.  But, I have this hopeful love of a man who keeps coming back to take me to the seat of grace.  Even in my imperfections, I can not fail a "there is no such thing as failure" sort of a man as he.

Now, there are these four little ones, growing fast, but still my babies.  I am hoplessly in love all over again.  All the kindnesses of my father, the relentlessness of my Jesus, and the willingness of my husband has taught me well, at least I have experienced much, and so, their love trickles through me, and I find I can't take my eyes of my babies.  Not for one little second.  I am so in love.

So in love, my hope is for you to know love too.  May the God who is love, be your lover today.  And then, may some physical manifestations of the same come to you as well.  Then, close your eyes, sway your hips, let the tears come, laugh a deep heartfilled laugh, and enjoy the love, that is what it is there for; oh, and give some away too, that is the way it grows.

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love,
so that we may rejoice and be glad all our days.   

Psalm 90:14

*The She Speaks Conference is about women connecting the hearts of women to the heart of our Father God. Because my heart is to serve Him and His daughters, as He leads, I am submitting this post for a scholarship opportunity. If you are interested in doing the same, click below! 
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2011/03/how-christians-create-art-she-speaks-scholarship/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+HolyExperience+%28Holy+Experience%29

*Information about the She Speaks Conference can be found at the site listed below.
http://shespeaksconference.com/

Support

As I entered the adult world, I had been given all the tools to be a successful career woman.  I had gone to a rigorous college, been given a honors scholarship, enrolled in an exclusive honors program with one on one access to the top professors, done internships in my chosen area, completed a master's level of education, worked for years in the field, with great success.  I was very prepared for professional work.

Yet when this tiny little child took my heart away, it became apparent that nothing in this world I could do would compare with the impact I could have on this little life.

My father had always told me, "do the thing that no one else can do but you."  And it became apparent that no one else could be the mother to my baby and create a home life for my family other than me.  I was thrilled at the prospect.

However, I had not been groomed for this new role, I had not been handed the tools to take this role up seamlessly, and I needed help.  It came from some amazing places.

A dear friend, 7 years younger than me, showed up at the hospital with diapers and an outfit.  I had not even realized I would be needing these things.  But sure enough, they were the exact thing for that exact moment that were most imperative.  My daughter left the hospital dressed and dry.

I continued to follow this sweet woman into her home, getting together with her as often as she would have me.  She already had two children of her own, and her home was everything mine wasn't and mine needed to be.

T. let me in her home two or three times a week.  She always was cooking and cleaning, though she did not require that her house be perfect to let me in.  Far from it, she allowed me to see it messy, see the children in various stages of ready for the day, and watch as she negotiated breast feeding, meal prep, decorating, sewing, gardening, and child development activities.  Her home was a bustle of activity, and so very alive. I took copious notes, and still am imitating her well loved home.

Her home was alive; with her artistic and gentle heart at the middle of it.

From her, I learned to make a chicken, make salads with every meal, draw and sit with the children, create a home that is inspiring, have a garden of herbs, to breast feed, and to nap my children.  Yes, you heard it, nap.

At the time, I was still just letting my little daughter dictate when she wanted to sleep.  One day, as I was sitting with her in my arms, my dear friend T. noted, "You know, she will be a much less grumpy child if you lay her down for regular naps, BEFORE she starts to get sleepy".

Ahh, the years of peace in my home this one timely advice has given me and my family.  I asked her to write down a sleep/wake schedule, which she penciled on the back of an envelop from my purse.  I went home, tacked that little crumpled piece of paper to my wall, and began meticulously following it.

I have been a big advocate of regular naps ever since. And my children nap regularly and are grumpy no more, and all thanks to my friend T.

As I reflect on what has made me the mother I am today, I realize solid friends are at the core of much of my successes.

For the friendship to be a gleaning one, I must have a teachable spirit in me.  I must be willing to open up and allow kind individuals into my life who are one, two or even ten years ahead of me in motherhood.

And second, for it to be a grace filled one, the friend must be an unconditionally accepting one, willing to come over to my house, and have me in their home.  A person willing to give me their time, allow me access to them even in their imperfections.  One who can observe my life, give me tidbits of input, and be a great example of motherhood to me.

Where are you needing to open up your life to  another, so you can glean from them?

Where are you needing to pursue a friend who needs a good example and a grace filled friendship?

It will make all the difference in the world.

Oil and perfume make the heart glad,
         So a man's counsel is sweet to his friend. -Proverbs 27:9