Devotional

Devotional Lives for Families

So you’ve had a baby, maybe you have a couple of children.  You and your husband are wondering what happened to late night dancing and long strolls on the beach.  Well, they are just around the corner…when you retire.  However, greeting your new season with joy and deep satisfaction is entirely possible.  There is something amazing about having children, something God designed.  And when you embrace this very differently structured season, you will soon find a sweet peace, hearty character growth, and a whole lot of love and laughter.

Here are some ways to make this your family’s reality:

1. Let Go

A key part to living a Spirit filled life is embracing what is right before you.  To fully transition to your new life as a unit of 3 or 4 or 5 or 6… and no longer a single agent, you will find letting go of the old season and looking at what you have today is paramount to discovering the joys of family life.

Make a list of all the things you miss (jogging without strollers, uninterrupted showers, long quiet times with God, enjoying media during the day, eating out, sleeping when you want to, working full time, etc). Commit to pray over those things before the Lord, giving Him thanks for the season in which you used to enjoy them and asking him kindly to hold them for you, if it be His will, for your future.  Ask your spouse, family, and friends to pray for you to let go of specific times/experiences/freedoms from the season you are no longer in.

Make a list of all the things you have now that bring you joy (early morning feedings with a smiling infant, park dates with your friends and their children, soccer Saturdays, early bedtimes, never feeling lonely, etc). Commit to pray over these things, thanking God for these beautiful gifts and asking him kindly to help you not miss the hidden gifts of your beautiful season of family life.  Ask you spouse, family, and friends to pray for more joy, thankfulness, and contentment for your current season.

Psalms 37:4 “This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

2.  Embrace Today

If there is one thing that every new parent hears, it is: “Enjoy this time, it passes so quickly”.  And though part of you wants to throttle that smiling person with grown children while you recount your 1 am, 3 am, and 5 am feedings, or the difficulty you are having with your 18 month old’s realization that they have a will, or the incredible mountain of laundry you seemed to have inherited; it is very important for you listen. Make it your daily mantra if you have to.  You only have today with these children: it passes quickly.

Slow down to see your children and to go at their pace.  Let go of any activities or things that keep you from enjoying each moment in your day at the pace of your children (including fancy meal prep or perfect house keeping).  You can not live at the pace of a single adult and be a family.  Families move slower.

 Practice presence of mind in each moment, be attentive to what God is doing.  Make it a regular habit when you are annoyed, upset, exhausted, loosing it, to look to God and pray, “Where are you in this moment God?  Please reveal yourself” .  Then, look for Him.  Notice Him in your child’s simple laughter, or the beauty of a breeze as you and your children play in the park.  Go outside with your children, sit with them on the floor and stack blocks, talk with them, listen to them, respond to them.  Don’t miss it.

A great book for this season is Practice the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. 

Imagine yourself him when he says he is just as spiritual peeling potatoes, cooking, washing dishes for God as when he is in the chapel praying. Find your daily chores (changing diapers, consistently setting boundaries, reading books, making meals) and put his mentality of serving Christ into your day.  See how much it changes your heart toward the work of domestic life and child rearing.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men Colossians 3:23

3.  Do With

Now that you are a unit, you can no longer go without thinking of others.  Selfishness is out the window.  But that is good, because there are all these fruits of the Spirit you have been meaning to work on, and now you have no choice.  (But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Ephesians 5:22-23). 

As you do life with your children, the need for God’s Spirit is so much higher.  You can not afford to be impatient or lack gentleness or live without joy.  As you pray for God’s Spirit in each moment, you will begin to find yourself a person filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

Parenting is character building.  The iron sharpening you is your limited freedoms and your children’s needs, your spouse’s hopes for love and attention.  This is good.  Tell yourself so!

Remember how Jesus was always trying to get away to a quiet place and his disciples always sought him out and found him.  How did he greet them?  He was welcoming, inviting, instructing, and correcting.  Remember how Jesus’ disciples asked Jesus teach us to pray?  They watched Jesus life, they saw how powerfully connect to the Father he was, they wanted that.  They asked him, “teach us to pray”.  They knew him as a trusted source for their soul to follow.

So it will be with your children.  They are your disciples now.  You will too find them wandering into your devotional hour, with requests.  Invite them in.  Sit them on your lap and read the verse aloud to them, ask them what they know from the verse.  Pray the verse with them, or just memorize the verse quietly while you rock them in your lap.

You are to do life with.  Every moment with them, talk to them, listen to them, hear their hearts, correct their errors, enjoy their delights.  Avoid the temptation to have others, have experts, have hired hands raise your children for you.  God gave these children to you, not to others.  They are yours to raise, to rear, to teach, to love, and to guard. 

Pray all the time.  You can pray while changing a diaper or recite a verse that is written above the changing table.  When you are together at night, eat a meal slowly, talk about the day, enjoy each moment together, pray thanksgiving for the moments He gave you that day or the difficulties you faced. 

When you put them to bed, include in your nightly ritual prayers of thanksgiving, prayers of repentance, the Lord’s prayer or another verse.  These are key moments to find God in your mind and hearts, to right your thinking and align your heart to His.  Bring your children with you in your spirituality and devotional life.

Impress them [the Lord’s laws/ways] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 6:7

Friends

I used to love hanging out with my friends. Elementary school, Junior High, High School, College are years filled with fun moments of riding bikes, watching movies, sharing pizza, and lots of time sitting in a den or park just sharing our hearts. How I love my friends.

In those same years, I can remember the feelings of insecurity, competitiveness, petty disagreements, and pretty small sighted values, including, the newest band, the clothes du jour, and the way to get around the tethers of our families.

Friends can meet a deep need to feel connected to another soul. There can be laughter, hope, encouragement, acceptance, and a sense of knowing and being known.

They can likewise, create a lowest common denominator experience, where fun withers into friction or worse, unfavorable foci's. Where group think removes conscience or at least lulls participants into homogeneous agreement to not make waves.


"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."  Proverbs 18:24


Though children find delight in the companion of many similar minded or aged peers, wisdom shows us, it can lead to their destruction.  The desire for companionship in life is great, loneliness acute when isolated, but the salve is not many children surrounding ours.  In life, our children will be best served when they find true friends, friends that stick close.


"A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity" Proverbs 17:17


A brother, is a true friend.  He has been born into the world to be with his siblings in adversity.  He is there to push them through tough times, to help, to pick up them up when they fail.

There are few friends who can love at all times.  Many love us when we are associated with power, and can offer easy access to the inner circle.  Few are able to stay loyal when we loose our status, and are not able to give one the sense of being central to the hub of importance.  Whether power filled or powerless, our brother is there.


Many love us when we are wealthy, and proximity guarantees good food, expensive entertainment, and pricey gifts.  Few are able to sustain friendship when the money is gone, the food is plain, the toys are few.  There is little reward for their efforts, and comfort is not abounding.  In feast or in famine, our brother is there.


Many love us when we are beautiful, charming, winsome.  Our fine polished look reflects beauty on them.  Few are able to cosy up when we are overweight, shabbily dressed, out of dated in our adornments.  There is little left to help them feel connected to their vanities.  At our peak and in the ashes, our brother is there.


Many love us when we are exciting, adventuresome, new.  We offer easy fun.  When the shininess rubs off, or the high energy level activity is not sustained, few find reason to stick around.  In our youth, and in our old age, our brother is there.


Good friends, are hard to find.  Yet, wisdom instructs, good friends are only the ones who are brothers or act like brothers.  Sticking close, loyal, helpful in adversity, remembering us even when we move far away.


When my children first started showing deep needs for connection to one another, my temptation was to find other families, neighbors, schools, and place them in contexts to "find friends", but as I prayed and studied the Bible, and remembered my own experiences of friends, I realized two things:  Family are our first friends.  Friends outside of family are hard to find, true, and similar to brothers.


Family are God's way of giving us true friends.  A family that is Christ centered, seeking to serve one another, befriend one another, helping one another, forgiving one another, is in house friendship; created from the very beginning of time.


"Again, I saw vanity under the sun: one person who has no other, either son or brother..."  Ecclesiastes 4:7


Are you cultivated your children's first friendships, those in your homes?  Do they think of their siblings as their best friends?  Are you and your husband connecting with your children in such a way that when they become adults they will count you as their bestie, their closest BFF?  



Wisdom instructs us to be wary of those who love us for what temporary comfort we can give them, for we will be tossed aside when we can no longer offer it to them, or someone better comes along, and a deep discontentment will grow in our hearts.  Instead, the brothers in our lives, the sisters, the mothers, fathers, even cousins, who will love us without sway as to our popularity, cuteness, wealth, or offerings; these are the true friends we should be directing our children toward.  And we can do it, every day of our lives, every time we sit down to share a meal together, every evening as we read and pray, our friendship is growing and deepening, and becoming that beautiful friendship we all desire.

They are so few friends in life and their rarity causes them to be greatly cherished.  


Friends give good advice, push us to live rightly, and would never hurt us by flattery or charm:
"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses" Proverbs 27:6


Friends are those who are willing to be Christ like to us, not competing with us or hoping to gain our approval, but striving to serve us and to give up moments in time, money, and selfish interests to find our greater good.
"Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends."  John 15:13


My son often struggles with desires for things to go as he had planned them, so when his baby brother grabs his newly made Lego creation and crumbles it into many little pieces, his first thought is not friendship. I am able to remind him that he and his brother were designed by God to be friends, and how can he be a friend now to his little brother?  Usually, gushing follows, forgiveness, and then a quick desire to incorporate him into his play, in more appropriate ways.

My daughter finds herself wishing to be alone in her room, and when her nearest brother wants to follow, her response might be, "Mom, tell him to leave me alone".  


I remind her, "What is one of your primary missions on earth?"  And she remembers, she was made to befriend her brother.  Consideration is given, opportunities to play found, friendship made. 

Friendship, true friendship, is so needed in this life.  Life is hard enough, without friends, it is nearly impossible.


True friendship is cultivated over the many years we are in each other's presence in our homes.  It will return great reward when life's struggles come our way.  May each of your homes be spaces of beautiful sibling friendship developing.  And may your children find that instead of coming to ruin having too many trite companions, they have deep brother friends and like-a-brother friendships that will sustain them through this journey of life.

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work:  If one falls down, his friend can help him up.  But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!  Again, if two lie together, then they have heat: but how can one be warm alone?  And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:9-11


May your heritage be a family of sacrificial loving friendship, with our Creator, and with your family members.  And on those rare occasions when another is willing to walk as a friend to one of our children: in hardship and plenty, giving honest answers, and helping when it is difficulty and costly, be sure to remind them what a precious gift that is. May each of your children experience friendship in their lives., brothers and like-a-brothers

Books

We settle down on the couch; deep exhale.  Our breath slows, our rhythm becomes one, we touch: cuddling close, everyone having to share mommy.  It is my favorite time of day: it is reading time.

Our chores are done, though there are always more to do.  Our school work finished, though we may not have gotten as much done today.  Our lunch warmly filling our bellies, or maybe we just had a peanut butter and bread break.  But it is time, and we must not let this time slip away, so we walk away from all else that pulls us, and we gather - together.

My voice, after years of practice, takes on the narrator and various characters, boys lower, men even more mature, girls are light and airy, unless they are serious ones, and then they require a more cautious tone.  The children listen, no one allowing each other to talk, they are rapt.  My daughter finger knits or dresses a doll, my boys paint or build with legos, or just relax dreamily next to me.

A pause comes, and then the flood of comments, of additional thoughts, of questions, of wondering.  My favorite part of my favorite time of day, the moment their hearts bubble up and gift me with the jewels hidden inside.  Noble thoughts, deep desires, happy hopes, truths discovered, giggles held;  it is my great joy.

"The father of a righteous man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him." Proverbs 23:24

A chapter or two or three a day, of a book with noble themes and beautiful imagery and hilarious humor, make for an amazing building up of a child's heart, and eventual there will be righteousness, wisdom, from the hundreds and thousands of hours that add up to a childhood.


Here is a list to get us started. Though we started reading these books at this age, we don't stop there.  The children have enjoyed these titles again and again.  


Click on any title and enjoy reading more about each story or series:

0-2  Prayer for a Child
     Jessie Bear Series
       I Love You Stinky Face

3-4 Angus Series
      The Small Series
      One Morning in Maine, Blueberries for Sal, and Make Way for Ducklings
  
5-6 Peter Rabbit Stories
      The House at Pooh Corner and Now We Are Six
      Burgess Series

7-8 The Chronicles of Narnia
      The Little House on the Prairie
      Little Women Series

9-10 The Pilgrim's Progress
        Stepping Heavenward
        Treasure Island
     

Lent

It has been a fun season of feasting, and I can not believe it is over.  Lent marks the beginning of sorrow, of suffering, of remorse for our sinfulness and the world's fallen state.  It feels this way: gray skies, raining; thinking on my heart need to access Christ.

As I draw into a more reflective place, I think on grace, how much I need, how much God gives.  And, interestingly enough, my purpose on this earth is grace as well.


 Looking for a job title, I found this one: administer of his grace.

"Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms." 1 Peter 4:10


Perhaps the "others" in the verse are my family, my children, my husband.   As I bumble along in motherhood how can I give my gifts to my children? What gifts have I received?  My children, my husband, my home, my groceries, my heart of love.  Are these the gifts?  My gift of time, of freedom to speak, of freedom to listen.  My mind, my experiences, my disappointments.  How can I use them to serve others and therefore faithfully administer God's grace?

I love the season of Lent, how it draws us inward, to the inner man, to find the curative grace that is the only salve.  Journeying toward this, I hope to hear His voice more fully, and there find mercy and grace for my soul.

Happy fourth week  of Lent!

Sushi

Fresh...that is what you want in Sushi.  I mean, here you are eating something raw, not flaky fall of the skin, but chewy fresh off the bone.  And so, in order to satisfy the palate and comfort the belly, it sure has to be fresh.

And when it is, it is pure heaven; buttery, melt in your mouth, nothing like it, light and airy, fresh.

It is amazing how much that is true of my spiritual life as well.  Memorizing verses, knowing biographies of saints that have gone before me, adhering to daily disciplines of faith, knowing right doctrine of theology all ground and root me.  But on the daily level, I am still in need of manna.  Pick it while it's ripe, only take what you can eat, wafer like in translucence-manna.

Today, I awoke sad. Loath to get out of bed, my morning walk spoiled by the rain, the home overwhelmed by every housekeeping need in the book, my husband gone for an early morning of work, children already squabbling over knights and legos; I lingered, I sighed, I prayed, "Lord, help me with the motivation to get out bed, to do this day well".

The prayer, it continued.  I stood, and chose not to dress, not to make my bed, yet.  To just make it to the front room, to smile with each nodding head of childish sweetness, to make sure breakfast was satisfying and good, was enough.  And I ate my manna.

The work of listening to the older two children list the reasons they had not started math, the younger two walk through whose turn it was with Robin Hood's figurine, to take the dog out in the rain for a quick jaunt, to find the coffee still hot; I breathed a silent prayer of taking in, of eating the manna.

Fresh.  Fresh wind, fresh fire, Fresh food for the moment.  Give me what I need to follow you in this moment.  Carry me, carry me....

The children are a bright spot, a gift.  But the laundry, the sink of soaking dishes, the toys and clothes strewn on every floor, are harder to conquer, to obey, the be in...they sink me down and call me to find a new hope, every day, every day, every day.

So, I am thankful, for sushi (yum) that reminds me of my Lord's sweet daily bread, the freshness of it, the daily newness of it, that fills me just enough in this moment to live and breath and have my being.  Without Him, I do not know if the children's dear light of laughter and sillies and cuddles on the couch would touch me as profoundly.

And I know for sure the laundry, cleaning, cooking, and food shopping would stand out only in their lackluster mundanity, if it were not for the freshness found in eating of Him, in each moment, with each passing need, in each daily chore.

Fresh.  Where are you needing a fresh word, presence, experience?  Come to Him and find...

Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness. 1 Peter 2:2-3

Listen

What do you think is the most important thing for a new mom to have? A Target gift card, a Costco life time membership, the super nanny as your personal assistant?

Well that was the question burning in my mind as I brought home my first little bundle of joy.

I had just given up a good career to be a full time mommy, I was a new at this, worried about doing right…by God, by my husband, by my children

I had no family nearby, my husband was working by day, schooling in the evening, and studying late into the night.

I was staying home with a sense of conviction that God had called me to do so, but had no idea how to do it

Did I mention we had very little money, and I had few friends in a similar life stage.

What did I turn to? Well first, I determined to use the best product ever devised for each stage of baby development.  When that didn’t work out, I turned to Books (books on perfect parenting, the right technique for sleep, the perfect way to raise a child in Christ), blogs, groups (Christian groups, secular groups, groups that charged and groups that were free).

All the while, I fell into a state of anxiety, comparing my lot to those with easier ones. Mothers whose skills were far superior to mine, had mother in laws in town, money to hire babysitters, husbands home to help with dishes, themed bedding to match themed baby rooms (we didn’t even have an extra room for baby)…

And in desperation, I began to pray, to have a daily quiet time like my life depended on it, to begging the Lord to help me complete the good work of raising my children that I felt he had called me to do. 

God reminded me of this amazing missionary.  Perhaps you have heard of Mary Slessor?  She was this incredible tiny woman who at 27 and single, moved from Scotland to present day Nigeria and successfully led thousands of Africans to Christ, established churches and schools, rescued orphans, and did it all alone, deep in the interiors of a foreign land.  What was her key ingredient?  Well here it is, pause and see:

She spoke to God as though he existed,
listened for his answer,
and then did exactly as he instructed her.

There is a moment when she needs to build a shelter for herself, and she does not yet speak the local language, and there are no other Europeans to ask to help, so she says to God: “God, I need to you teach me how to build a house” and he did, he told her what kind of whitewash to use and how to combine it with local mud and rock and pretty soon she had a beautiful house that stood for years, home to her and her many adopted children.

…God was showing me how tangibly present he could be, if I would only trust him, lean on him… and him alone…

Isaiah in chapter 40:9-11, addressing the downcast people, says to them

“Here is your God!” See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power,  and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him and his recompense accompanies him.  He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Did you catch that? 

He gently leads those who have young.

His desire is not to abandon you to your own strength, using you few resource to drum up a successful raising of your children.  He doesn’t wait for me to mess up and then grade me.  He isn’t hoping we will worry, fear, and fret our way through motherhood.

He is our shepherd, and we know his voice, and are tended by him.  He gathers us into his arms, he carries us close to his heart, and when we have little lambs, little children under our care, he gently, gently lead us.

So I began to look for God’s voice, to try to recognize it, and to follow his gentle leadership.  I trusted his heart that cares so much about my every little concern.  I prayed over how to cook a meal, an hour before meal time.  I prayed about how to shop, before I left the car in the parking lot.  I prayed for patience when my two colicky children hit hour 5 of non stop crying and I was all alone.  I listened for his voice, I looked for my shepherd, and I found his gentle hand…leading me, guiding me, giving me ideas on what to cook that night, helping me avoid poor purchases at the grocery, teaching me to sing hymns of hope and toil while my children suffered with discomfort.

And he is here for you too. come to him, let him be your counselor,  know his presence in each little moment of your day

I began to rest in God, I began to quietly trust him, not books, not blogs, not perfect parenting techniques, not beautifully made strollers, but him.  And so, it has become my daily mothering experience, and I hope you will find it to be yours as well, that as you cry for help, like it says in Isaiah 30:21
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it."

Guardian

"Your guardian has to sign in for you", the colorfully dressed man explains to my children.

Anxious to get started on their "building and testing" at Legoland, they motion impatiently for me to catch up to them.  Baby in hand (big 2 year old baby) I arrive, breathless, excited to fulfill my role as "Guardian" of my children, so they can be safely ushered into the building room.

I rest a along a wall while my children hurriedly whip about the room finding the right pieces to construct their dream car;  I find myself reflecting.

Guardian, a word I have seen on many forms, signed many times as the official guardian of my children.  And with it, all the connotations of that word began to come to me.

Stand Guard.  Protect.  Watch Over.  Stand at Alert at the Gates. Guard Constantly. Care for.  Nurture.  Provide Care for a Minor who as such, is Not Yet Capable of Managing Themselves.

That is what a mother is, a guardian.  I am: one who protects, who stands at the gates, who remains alert, who manages my under 18 year old minor children who can not yet manage themselves.  That is what every mother is, a guardian.

So, why is it, so many mothers, are not guarding their minors, not protecting their children, not sitting at the gates and monitoring who comes in?  Don't they know it will leave their child exposed, unprotected, in harms way?

And who does come in?

Well, television and computers bring incredible images that stick with a child for a long time. Advertising in magazines and educational videos that cause a child to unnaturally crave superfluous items are a terrible force on our young.  And of course, we are afraid of perfect strangers, who pose less of a threat statistically, thank the Lord.

These obvious threats aside, what are we to protect our children against?  For what should we be on guard?

A friend posted an uplifting article on bullying.  In it, a perfectly adorable 7 year old is being bullied for using the wrong cup, the socially unacceptable cup. I know!  Don't get me started.

I was so irate on the triteness of peer social trends and the enormous energy a family must invest in caring about it, plus the permanent damage on a child's soul that occurs in most schools starting as young as preschool!!  However, my just anger alerted aside, there was an amazing anecdote in the story.  And it came in the form of a mother; an attentive, live giving, guardian of a mother.

She first noticed her daughter didn't want to carry her favorite cup to school anymore. Second, took the time out of her busy day to converse with her child concerning the changed cup.  And third, blogged and advocated at the school for her child's freedom to "express herself" aka carry an "unpopular" cup to school.  And yes, I see the wasted energy here, and yes, I home school to avoid the needless pain over silly fad following children and the endless pressure they exert toward every child conforming to arbitrary standards in large institutional settings.

So, yes, the freedom to think on your own and draw creative conclusions to life's issues aside.  I was very proud of the mama in this story.  And I hoped that more mothers would be like her.

We are not only to raise obedient children with manners.  They step into the world as young ladies and men.  We guard them in preparation for success with their sweet attitudes and respectful ways.  But we are also to make sure, that along the way of growing up as good citizens and academically challenged youth, there are not impediments to their natural and God given talents, uniqueness, and ways of being.

God has called them to be who they are, and intuitively, they know this.  When they step up to new challenges, they need encouragement and every-step-of-the-way opportunities, to gain independent competencies.  They do not need: teasing, discouragement, distraction about pointless peer obsessions, or bullying.

Are you a guardian of each of your children?  Are you watching at the gates that no one enters unheeded?  Are you guarding their very souls with encouraging words and deflecting the discouragement that often comes at the hands of peers?  Are you raising a child of character, and thus guarding them for their future success in business and relationships?

You can begin to do more so today.  Take a moment, sit with your child.  Do it again tomorrow.  Find the sore spots and the unprotected areas, and then, shore them up! The arrows of the enemy are strong, and only those strongly defended, by their guardians, can protect them against penetration!

Be God's expression of a guardian to your children: Psalm 12:5

"Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the LORD. "I will protect them from those who malign them." 

Sweets

We took the day off today.  Our regular schedule was put on hold, we lingered in our pjs, we rested.  I am finding it needed more and more in our school schedule, rigor is good, but rest in good too.  I love that I can declare it, any day, and we can do other things.

Other things this week meant making cookies for the neighbors, reading Christmas stories, playing board games, singing Christmas Carols, and all the while reflecting on the season of waiting, of receiving gifts, of giving love.

As I type, the children are playing a Christmas word puzzle, and murmuring to one another, giggling, and agreeing together as they map out solutions to their game.

Some days I am amazed at the fruit of following hard after Christ.

As a homemaker, I must clean and pick up daily, washing dishes until my hands dry up, my laundry pile is a constant mountain to be chipped away.  As a wife, my husband needs a listening ear, a sympathetic thought toward his hard day's work, a belief in all he is and is becoming, while taking care of his meals, clothes, children, and keeping the home a refuge.

As a mother, warmth must be found in my smile and hopeful heart, the children must be seen as gifts to be given great swaths of space in our lives, every night includes an hour of cuddles, question answering, and stories.  As the chief child trainer, every argument must be walked through, every meal must include many hands in the preparation, every bad attitude must be reoriented, sleep must be given, stable home life must be provided, kindness must be encouraged, each child's character must be molded.  As a home schooling mom, every day I wake to questions about the day's math problems and must search out a good poem to memorize, I must continue to pursue good things to add to their day, to find positive experiences, and God's goodness must be reflected in a day's lessons.

It is a lot of hard work, but it is all worth it.

On this day of quiet reflection and rest, of taking the day off, I see so much that God is doing in the mix.  The soft murmurs of my children as they peacefully play with one another, says it all.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Mind Matters

When a mild slope of depression threatened to submerge me into a state of low affect, I called out to God,  even as I didn't want to.  And he heard my prayer.

His sweet voice beckoned me back, with this simple word, "expectations".  I kept hearing it as I prayed quietly in my slippery state of sadness.  Here was God inviting me to see what he saw so clearly.  So, I bravely took a look.  What expectations?

Well, this little princess discovered, my expectations.  Boy, was I sheepish as I found a lot of them.

Apparently, moving closer to family, driving for every holiday or birthday, being in a home with trees and lush greenery, and having this here on earth, was an expectation of mine.  Even though my husband and I had eight years ago decided these dreams would not be mine, I hadn't really let them go.  Here they were drowning me.

So, when bright city lights beaconed through my home, when two am tow trucks woke me from my sleep, when family had to pay a small fortune just to spend a holiday with me, I grew bitter.  When the children asked for a tree to climb, when vacations included a beautiful setting that reminded me of my longing for a pretty home, and when my "family" became friends whose life turns had kept them from their relations, I grew sad.

But it was all in my mind.  It was all in my expectations.  Why had my expectations grown so exact and when was I going to let go of them?

Now, it turns out.  Thanksgiving week, actually.  I laid it all out on the table, with God, and my husband. As I prayed and conversed, the obvious became reality: I had to let God's reign rule in my mind.  I had to give up the thoughts I was letting rustle around in there, the expectations of having a comfortable little life near family and in the great outdoors.  I had to embrace realities that did not match my expectations, and call them good.

And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2


May your Advent season, the season of expectations, be filled, as mine has most recently, with the thoughts and mind of God.  May you find in it, rest for your weary souls and joy brightening your darkest nights.

schooling

As my little girl fastly approached her 3rd birthday, worries began to fill my heart.  It seemed all the good friends we had made with neighbors and at local parks were disappearing, into the abyss of Preschool.

They must be prepared, prepared for college, prepared to compete.

It is enough to cause one to long for another day, another time, when children could be children for oh so much longer. But, I did not want to be left out either. I did not want my sweet daughter to be left behind. So I began to research all things childhood, preschool, and how a person grows into an educated adult.

Here are some of the resources I found:

1. 0-6 years of age are in many ways the most important years in a person's life:

The agreed upon conclusion is that the earliest years in a child's life are the most important ones.  A child's cognitive, social, emotional, health, and nutritional abilities are most deeply established.  Language, culture, and religious values are incorporated into lifelong assumptions at this age.

Psychologically, if a warm caring environment with a consistent maternal caregiver present is available, a child will successfully establish security, identity, and purpose.  I loved reading about Dr. Erikson's discovery that in the years zero to six, a child needs a mother for attachment, cultural identity, and belief that the world is a trustworthy place.

Developmentally, if freedom to explore is in place, children will find themselves noticing relationships between people, objects, and themselves in the world as they individual begin to grow through childhood.  I loved learning how Piaget focused on the skills a child acquires as he or she is free to use his or her natural curiosities to discover cause and effect, comparison, and concrete thinking skills.  A mother can offer this freedom of exploration and movement as they are not required to meet a normative classroom standard, but can be driven by an inner motivation to learn and discover.

Moms are very important for a child's early development.

2. Working moms need childcare:

As moms left the home, so children had too as well.  The growth of the families income or the desire for the mother to experience independence from traditional home life, caused a significant growth in childcare.

Childcare was virtually non-existent before the 1920's.  Early childcare developed as wealthy women created safe places for poor, mostly recently immigrant children whose mother's worked.  As the 1960's women's movement increased home abandoment into the middle class, more spaces for young children to be housed were similarly developed.

But it wasn't until studies noted that children raised in impoverished non English speaking homes or in extremely poor ghettos and public housing complexes did not enter Kindergarden ready to read as did their middle class and upper class peers, did preschool really get it's "Head Start".

Head Start, and the idea of manditory preschool was developed to deal with a specific portion of the population, the extremely poor.  It hoped to create a space where children would be read to, spoken to, given nutrional meals, and offered other brain stimulating activities.  These things they were not recieving in their small apartments and dwellings where no adult or unattentive adults resided, whose understanding of childhood development was very low.

Before head start, the church and women in particular, had always cared for poor children, opting to bring the resources to the family's home.

3.  Preschool, offering a homelike environment:

Ironically, as I began to research my local preschools, the best ones with the longest waiting lists, proudly advertised the homelike environment of their preschool.  Again and again I would read about "cottages" "living rooms" "working kitchens" and "consistent female caregivers" as the way to offer a premier preschool experience in which a child might grow and mature.  Well, I knew of a cottage, with a living room, and a working kitchen, who already had a consistent female caregiver, and there was no waiting list.  It was my home, and me!

I read Marie Montessori's book on childhood's most important years, zero to six.  In it she discussed how children need:

-simple repetitive tasks to gain independence, tasks like buttoning a coat or washing one's own hands

-an ordered environment that the child knows well where all toys and developmental items (puzzles, blocks, paint, etc.) are placed

-an ability and freedom to take out toys at will, to put toys away for independence without the aid of an adult, and the freedom to return to a toy/developmental item again and again for gaining competencies

Again, I knew of a place where the child would have an ordered, consistent space and access to repeated engagement.  I knew of a place where a child's small tasks could be given them to do, including buttoning their own coats, washing their own hands, and helping make meals and clean.  It was free, and it was easy, it was my home!

4. Social skills and preschool:

Another oft quoted concern for parents was to have social skills develop in preschool.  Social skills do develop during these years.  They are key years to be near a positive role model to imitate, especially the mother and father.  Siblings or family friends offer a ready way to engage with others and test manners, sharing, caring, listening, and waiting for turns.  Neighbors and other adults in the community (church adults, grocery store clerks, librarians, mail carriers, delivery men, repair men, restaurant servers) serve as opportunities in how to interact, make eye contact, speak clearly, express oneself modestly yet confidently.  Play mates who visit the home and those whom we meet at the park, zoo, library, and botanical gardens, create opportunities to practice being nice, sharing, using your words, and listening to others.  If the mother is close by, she can redirect poor choices, repremaind selfish or harsh actions, and offer positive alternatives  for engaging others.

Studies have shown that  preschools that are top in it's field create amazing academic results and readiness for formal schooling.  However, children who are enrolled in preschool can also become more aggressive, more concerned with peer acceptance, and more wary of new situations.  (These findings diminish if the home is a neglectful one.)   Studies also indicate that preschool really helps those who do not have education as something important in their family values, but does not improve outcomes in families where education is already valued.

Many amazing mothers who work full time use all of their resources to find the best possible childcare options.  The incredible truth is that moms matter most in a child's life.  Even as they are at preschool, their mother is carried with them in their hearts.  Her intentional connection and responses to them when she is with them are the most important factors in a child's outcomes.

However, those of us who have the option to stay with our children through the preschool years, can also find ourselves preparing our children for success in their long term educational and development skills.  We can do it at home, we can do it well, and the outcomes can be as good and in many cases better for the child's overall well being and emotional development.

We converted our dining room into a free to roam, play, and develop room and made it accesible to the children any time they were awake.  And we stayed home a lot so the children could invest many hours in free play and exploration.

It became such a joy and privilege to continue home life into the preschool years.  It has been work, and yet, so much fun.

Luke 2:51
   Jesus went back to Nazareth with his parents and obeyed them. His mother kept on thinking about all that had happened

Superheroes

My 4 year old is obsessed with superheroes right now.  He regular dons capes and climbs walls.  He leaps off of couches and flies to the ground.  He falls asleep with soaring sounds in his mouth and wakes up with stories of dreams where he accomplished the impossible.  He is my little hero, as he rushes to help put veggies in the pot, happily aids my washing of the floors, and by my side, cleans toilets.

Sometimes the cultural norms pervasive in our society, depress me.  A clorox adverstizement speaks emotively of relationships only to twist it into fear of germs, fear of contact, fear of relating.  A television comedy, causes chuckles, even laughter, while inundating parents with beliefs that they can never have deep connection with their teenagers, that the goals in life are to have our children dating and popular.  A reality show stacks the cast with sexually permissive but charming young adults.

Schools miss the mark on making children loved and accepted, fadish agendas sidle academic rigor, superficial trivia replaces deeply explored knowledge.

Worried they can not trust themselves, parents give their children away to those who are less invested, less connected.  Institutions instiutionalize, checking off boxes rather than co-participating in soul discovery of who the child was made to be.

The list goes on and on.  The tide of culture seems to overwhelm all efforts to do good, to be content, to live a simple life of love.  I feel the despair of how far we are from our purist call, from our primary objective, from being a culture that holds up what is true, what is good, what is beautiful in each individual and esteeming those things, from being parents who love and cherish instead of fear and conscript.

But then I remember my Superhero.

I remember, he doesn't just dream of doing the impossible, but he has already done it.  He doesn't just hope for super powers, he has them.

Jesus reminds me, "In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I've conquered the world." John 16:33 


Take heart, take heart...

If I stop just looking at the cultural norms as my barometer.  If I can let his power be my main source of comfort, of perspective, of hope; he can make me an agent of change in my little corner of the world.  He can give me little important tasks to do, little ways to stand against the tide of culture, simple ways of avoiding the pitfalls of this day's low slung standards.   If I make him my source, then He will save me, and he will use my little life to save others from obtrusive societal pitfalls.

Good news, good news.

My little boy's dreams mustn't be squelched.  I can smile at his antics.  When his feet touch the ground, I can look him in the eyes and say with assurance, "That's right, little man, God made you to be a superhero in this world, and this world needs you.  So, take heart.  The One with all the power, is the ultimate conquering hero, and through him, nothing will be impossible for you!"

What cultural assumptions are you invested in that are dragging you far from God's best?  What ways are you letting your beliefs and behaviors be lead by societal thinking?  How are norms in this world affecting your family lifestyle and the ways you mother?

Have you looked at the Conquering Superhero today and asked him for powers to counter them?  You can, right now, and then begin to discover again that you are a hero in this world too!

Input

When I first noticed my little baby girl needed more than to sleep and eat, it dawned on me that her non eating and non sleeping time must be filled with something.  I had no idea what that something should be.

What does God say about this?  Is there anything in his Word that would point me toward areas I could develop and steer my little daughter?  I found amazing answers; useful for planning my moments, days, and weeks with my children.

Here is the nugget I stumbled upon:

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." -Philippians 4:8

Such a beautiful statement; I saw here the content that must fill our lives.

Out went the television.  Yes, we got rid of a brand new LCD television someone had given us. Years later, my mother bought us a television so she could watch her morning news while she stayed with us, but it remains in the attic for her, and now, is outdated with no digital capacity.

Out went the newspaper with it's forboding ponderings. Out went magazines, good ones and juicy ones (by this I mean my addiction to voyeuristic interest in famous people's lives, also known as "Celebrity Gossip" magazines).  Out went using the radio in the car.  I even cut myself down to checking email once a week.  No other internet access.

It silenced the house.  We woke to the sounds of neighbors heading off to work, wind rustling in the trees, dogs barking, birds chirping, and the children's pitter pattering little feet.  My mind was not immediately swept into someone else's world or someone else's worldview.  I sat in my own home and it became so very still, and peaceful.  I could hear again sounds I had long ago chosen to overwhelm with the distractions.  I could see again the beauty around me.

I started having my daily quiet time again.  Especially since there was not a lot else to do.  I read the Bible to my children.

So far, so good.

Now what?

Three amazing books started me in the right direction.

The Last Child in the Woods showed me how much outdoor time was missing in my children's lives.  We started eating twice a day outdoors.  It was a simple space, one shared with our duplex and rear duplex neighbors, but it had a tree, and a blanket made it such a nice respite.  I threw out plastic, battery operated, and non-creative toys.  We simplified life to sticks, balls, dolls, dirt, leaves, trees, blocks, and other open ended toys.

Endangered Minds  showed me how much it mattered that my children's early years (and majority of the rest of their lives) were spent engaging substance. I was encouraged to give my children early bedtimes, with lots of naps, and regular down time to process stimulating activities.  For this reason, we still live very simply regarding play dates, museums, sports, and enrichment activities.  We try to always allow plenty of prep time before any activity and plenty of down time afterwards. This book helped me get rid of my television. Still to this day, the children do not have video games, computer games/computer clubs, or television/movies in their lives.  The limitation of these things, helped me to have more free time with them outdoors, playing creatively indoors, and reading.

The Read Aloud Handbook was a life saver.  Now that I had gotten rid of all sorts of dumbing down devices, I need to know what to fill up that space in my children I had created.  Jim Trelease was a God send.  We went straight to the library once a week, got quality books, and read and read and read.  At one point, I was reading aloud three to four hours a day.  I still read aloud to my 9 and 8 year old, as well as my 4 and 2 year old. We read high level chapter books daily.

At breakfast, it is the Child's Story Bible or our church's daily Bible reading.  At lunch, I read a chapter book for an hour (we just finished Little Men by Louisa May Alcott), at nap/rest time I read three picture books to the little ones (my 4 year old is enchanted with knights and dragons, so we read books about the Knights of the Round Table and a picture book of Pilgrim's Progress, called The Dangerous Journey) and then an hour of another chapter book to the older children (we are currently in Emmy-Lou by Mrs. George Madden Martin).  During chores, we listen to librivox, an online audio recording of books in the public domain (we are currently listening to Elizabeth Prentiss' journal Stepping Heavenward, an amazing journey of a girl growing into a woman and trying to honor God at every step).  And then, before bed (currently we are reading through Thorton Burgess stories).

We read books, to fill the time.  We play outdoors, climbing trees and picking daisies.  We listen and watch the world around us.

Are there ways you can fill your mind with truth? Are there ways you can occupy your time with moments of excellence?  Are there areas you can surround yourself with places that are lovely?

It can be such a rich life.  And you can enjoy it with your children.