Devotional

Devotional Lives for Families

So you’ve had a baby, maybe you have a couple of children.  You and your husband are wondering what happened to late night dancing and long strolls on the beach.  Well, they are just around the corner…when you retire.  However, greeting your new season with joy and deep satisfaction is entirely possible.  There is something amazing about having children, something God designed.  And when you embrace this very differently structured season, you will soon find a sweet peace, hearty character growth, and a whole lot of love and laughter.

Here are some ways to make this your family’s reality:

1. Let Go

A key part to living a Spirit filled life is embracing what is right before you.  To fully transition to your new life as a unit of 3 or 4 or 5 or 6… and no longer a single agent, you will find letting go of the old season and looking at what you have today is paramount to discovering the joys of family life.

Make a list of all the things you miss (jogging without strollers, uninterrupted showers, long quiet times with God, enjoying media during the day, eating out, sleeping when you want to, working full time, etc). Commit to pray over those things before the Lord, giving Him thanks for the season in which you used to enjoy them and asking him kindly to hold them for you, if it be His will, for your future.  Ask your spouse, family, and friends to pray for you to let go of specific times/experiences/freedoms from the season you are no longer in.

Make a list of all the things you have now that bring you joy (early morning feedings with a smiling infant, park dates with your friends and their children, soccer Saturdays, early bedtimes, never feeling lonely, etc). Commit to pray over these things, thanking God for these beautiful gifts and asking him kindly to help you not miss the hidden gifts of your beautiful season of family life.  Ask you spouse, family, and friends to pray for more joy, thankfulness, and contentment for your current season.

Psalms 37:4 “This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

2.  Embrace Today

If there is one thing that every new parent hears, it is: “Enjoy this time, it passes so quickly”.  And though part of you wants to throttle that smiling person with grown children while you recount your 1 am, 3 am, and 5 am feedings, or the difficulty you are having with your 18 month old’s realization that they have a will, or the incredible mountain of laundry you seemed to have inherited; it is very important for you listen. Make it your daily mantra if you have to.  You only have today with these children: it passes quickly.

Slow down to see your children and to go at their pace.  Let go of any activities or things that keep you from enjoying each moment in your day at the pace of your children (including fancy meal prep or perfect house keeping).  You can not live at the pace of a single adult and be a family.  Families move slower.

 Practice presence of mind in each moment, be attentive to what God is doing.  Make it a regular habit when you are annoyed, upset, exhausted, loosing it, to look to God and pray, “Where are you in this moment God?  Please reveal yourself” .  Then, look for Him.  Notice Him in your child’s simple laughter, or the beauty of a breeze as you and your children play in the park.  Go outside with your children, sit with them on the floor and stack blocks, talk with them, listen to them, respond to them.  Don’t miss it.

A great book for this season is Practice the Presence of God by Brother Lawrence. 

Imagine yourself him when he says he is just as spiritual peeling potatoes, cooking, washing dishes for God as when he is in the chapel praying. Find your daily chores (changing diapers, consistently setting boundaries, reading books, making meals) and put his mentality of serving Christ into your day.  See how much it changes your heart toward the work of domestic life and child rearing.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men Colossians 3:23

3.  Do With

Now that you are a unit, you can no longer go without thinking of others.  Selfishness is out the window.  But that is good, because there are all these fruits of the Spirit you have been meaning to work on, and now you have no choice.  (But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Ephesians 5:22-23). 

As you do life with your children, the need for God’s Spirit is so much higher.  You can not afford to be impatient or lack gentleness or live without joy.  As you pray for God’s Spirit in each moment, you will begin to find yourself a person filled with the fruit of the Spirit.

Parenting is character building.  The iron sharpening you is your limited freedoms and your children’s needs, your spouse’s hopes for love and attention.  This is good.  Tell yourself so!

Remember how Jesus was always trying to get away to a quiet place and his disciples always sought him out and found him.  How did he greet them?  He was welcoming, inviting, instructing, and correcting.  Remember how Jesus’ disciples asked Jesus teach us to pray?  They watched Jesus life, they saw how powerfully connect to the Father he was, they wanted that.  They asked him, “teach us to pray”.  They knew him as a trusted source for their soul to follow.

So it will be with your children.  They are your disciples now.  You will too find them wandering into your devotional hour, with requests.  Invite them in.  Sit them on your lap and read the verse aloud to them, ask them what they know from the verse.  Pray the verse with them, or just memorize the verse quietly while you rock them in your lap.

You are to do life with.  Every moment with them, talk to them, listen to them, hear their hearts, correct their errors, enjoy their delights.  Avoid the temptation to have others, have experts, have hired hands raise your children for you.  God gave these children to you, not to others.  They are yours to raise, to rear, to teach, to love, and to guard. 

Pray all the time.  You can pray while changing a diaper or recite a verse that is written above the changing table.  When you are together at night, eat a meal slowly, talk about the day, enjoy each moment together, pray thanksgiving for the moments He gave you that day or the difficulties you faced. 

When you put them to bed, include in your nightly ritual prayers of thanksgiving, prayers of repentance, the Lord’s prayer or another verse.  These are key moments to find God in your mind and hearts, to right your thinking and align your heart to His.  Bring your children with you in your spirituality and devotional life.

Impress them [the Lord’s laws/ways] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Deuteronomy 6:7

Guardian

"Your guardian has to sign in for you", the colorfully dressed man explains to my children.

Anxious to get started on their "building and testing" at Legoland, they motion impatiently for me to catch up to them.  Baby in hand (big 2 year old baby) I arrive, breathless, excited to fulfill my role as "Guardian" of my children, so they can be safely ushered into the building room.

I rest a along a wall while my children hurriedly whip about the room finding the right pieces to construct their dream car;  I find myself reflecting.

Guardian, a word I have seen on many forms, signed many times as the official guardian of my children.  And with it, all the connotations of that word began to come to me.

Stand Guard.  Protect.  Watch Over.  Stand at Alert at the Gates. Guard Constantly. Care for.  Nurture.  Provide Care for a Minor who as such, is Not Yet Capable of Managing Themselves.

That is what a mother is, a guardian.  I am: one who protects, who stands at the gates, who remains alert, who manages my under 18 year old minor children who can not yet manage themselves.  That is what every mother is, a guardian.

So, why is it, so many mothers, are not guarding their minors, not protecting their children, not sitting at the gates and monitoring who comes in?  Don't they know it will leave their child exposed, unprotected, in harms way?

And who does come in?

Well, television and computers bring incredible images that stick with a child for a long time. Advertising in magazines and educational videos that cause a child to unnaturally crave superfluous items are a terrible force on our young.  And of course, we are afraid of perfect strangers, who pose less of a threat statistically, thank the Lord.

These obvious threats aside, what are we to protect our children against?  For what should we be on guard?

A friend posted an uplifting article on bullying.  In it, a perfectly adorable 7 year old is being bullied for using the wrong cup, the socially unacceptable cup. I know!  Don't get me started.

I was so irate on the triteness of peer social trends and the enormous energy a family must invest in caring about it, plus the permanent damage on a child's soul that occurs in most schools starting as young as preschool!!  However, my just anger alerted aside, there was an amazing anecdote in the story.  And it came in the form of a mother; an attentive, live giving, guardian of a mother.

She first noticed her daughter didn't want to carry her favorite cup to school anymore. Second, took the time out of her busy day to converse with her child concerning the changed cup.  And third, blogged and advocated at the school for her child's freedom to "express herself" aka carry an "unpopular" cup to school.  And yes, I see the wasted energy here, and yes, I home school to avoid the needless pain over silly fad following children and the endless pressure they exert toward every child conforming to arbitrary standards in large institutional settings.

So, yes, the freedom to think on your own and draw creative conclusions to life's issues aside.  I was very proud of the mama in this story.  And I hoped that more mothers would be like her.

We are not only to raise obedient children with manners.  They step into the world as young ladies and men.  We guard them in preparation for success with their sweet attitudes and respectful ways.  But we are also to make sure, that along the way of growing up as good citizens and academically challenged youth, there are not impediments to their natural and God given talents, uniqueness, and ways of being.

God has called them to be who they are, and intuitively, they know this.  When they step up to new challenges, they need encouragement and every-step-of-the-way opportunities, to gain independent competencies.  They do not need: teasing, discouragement, distraction about pointless peer obsessions, or bullying.

Are you a guardian of each of your children?  Are you watching at the gates that no one enters unheeded?  Are you guarding their very souls with encouraging words and deflecting the discouragement that often comes at the hands of peers?  Are you raising a child of character, and thus guarding them for their future success in business and relationships?

You can begin to do more so today.  Take a moment, sit with your child.  Do it again tomorrow.  Find the sore spots and the unprotected areas, and then, shore them up! The arrows of the enemy are strong, and only those strongly defended, by their guardians, can protect them against penetration!

Be God's expression of a guardian to your children: Psalm 12:5

"Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I will now arise," says the LORD. "I will protect them from those who malign them." 

Daily

Sometimes it is depressing, how poor of a cook I am.  I will plan a meal, and not get the right groceries, buy the groceries and let them go bad in the fridge, cut the veggies and then burn them, put the meat to the pan only to have it come out under cooked.  It is embarrassing, and true.  My dear family can recount  the meals through which they have suffered.

For starters, as I child, I was not given the opportunity to help prepare every dinner or shown how a meal magically makes it to the table (home or restaurant or take out).

A tragedy really, as people do need to eat: 3 times a day.  And I have lots of little people in my house who are counting on me to make that happen.

Another area where I really lacked skills, was in child rearing. I was in love with my little ones the moment they were handed to me, especially if you define love as protective; these babies were not going to get hurt or lack under my watch.

But the actual needs of the child were beyond me: the need to be changed when wet, bathed when dirty, teeth brushed twice a day, hair combed into beautiful plaits.  I soon discovered that when babies cry, they needed to be held, comforted, rocked.  As two of my four developed colic, it meant they need to be held constantly, continuously patted, always moved about.

Also imperative was the need to give boundaries. It was imperative for me to to follow up on those boundaries.  I could not let my child cross a boundary with out an immediate consequence.

If they whined, I had to tell them to cheerfully voice their request.  If they asked after being told no, I had to tell them no was not to be questioned.  If they hit, I had to hold the brandishing arm and shush the angry spirit.  If they were headed to the ground to thrash their bodies about in protest, my firm hand had to be there to guide their bodies upward and their faces to mine.  If they took without asking, I had to remind them no deed goes unnoticed.

It was enough to push a patient person to the brink, and I was not a patient person - by any stretch of the imagination.

I think if there had been any way around it, I would have gone there.  But there was no way around it.

We had no family in town to help, no cheerful mentor mom to pop over with guidance, no money to pay a babysitter, no extra income to hire help, and my husband was a full time student and a full time employee.  Yep, I was stuck with the job of feeding and raising the children; it was up to me.

So, like many a good woman of yore, I cried out to God.

"Oh, woe is me, Lord. [interject whiny voice here] I am a stranger in a strange land and these children need a mother but I am sorely poised for the task. [convincing Him this is not possible for me]  Show me the way out of this mess Lord [and here I show him the obvious solution], give me a friend, a mentor mom, or rain down the money so I can hire help.  Just have my husband come home and do it for me,[see, four easy steps] oh Lord, hear me now![notice the helpful biblical tone]"

Needless to say, God's was pretty much mute on the subject.  And it took me a few years to fully understand why.

As it turns out (and you, my dear reader, have already probably noted) I was asking God and man to do my work for me.  And though our Lord is the Lord of the Sabbath, he also made 6 days of work, and saw it as good.

There are different types of work.  I find the most important work is often not attached to a salary.

So, I had to get to work.  I had to get off my pity party to do it; and I had so enjoyed my little pity party.

Here I was, pressed with no choice but to avail.  I had to cook 3 healthy meals a day and these children had to be raised, and raised well.

It was then that God began to show me that every journey begins with a foot step, every plant starts as a seed, and that life could not be rushed into being.

So began my dailies.

I had to daily ask the Lord for help, then daily stand on my own two feet, then daily walk into the bathroom with cheer, while I daily brushed 4 sets of teeth and bathed 4 sets of bodies.  Next, I daily boiled a pot of water, while I daily added whole grain oatmeal, and then daily handed out bowls to be set at the table. I daily watched over behaviors and attitudes, as I daily read the Bible aloud, and daily help the children draw.  I  daily read a quality book aloud, then daily set the children up for puzzle time, while I daily sat and had my quiet time.

Though my rhythm varies during the week, and development changes in the children's capacities calls for adjustments, this has become the way I approach cooking and child rearing.  Surprisingly, it works.

It is a slow, disciplined way to bring about great, exciting results.

My patience has increased as I see life as a set of dailies.  My cooking has improved to the point that 3 out of 4 meals turn out edible!   My children have become quite enjoyable to one another and to me. And, I really like my work.  I wake up with something purposeful to put my hand to, that of improving my life and the lives of husband and children.

It has given me a sense of joy that my pity parties never did.

What are your dailies?  Where can you begin to work today?

"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy. He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalms 126:5

Little Moments

There are great moments in our lives.  The moment we begin to realize we are independent from others, free to make our own choices.  The moment we experience what desperate sinners we are, and in that same glance, how overpoweringly Jesus' gift to us is with his unconditional love.  The moment we hold our lovers' hand, walking down the aisle, into a future of companionship and mission. The moment we first hold our precious child in our arms, still warm from the womb, and cradle them near our breasts, and just cry and cry with gratitude that God would deem us worthy of raising up a little life.

And then, there is the rest of our lives.

The moments we don't count, or court, or notice are the ones that really make up our days.  They are the ones, that in the end, really matter.

And I find, it is in the later not the former, that I must live out my spiritual development.

Can I submit to God when he asks me to put down my book and watch my son build his newest block creation?  Can I sacrifice time of talking with a friend to listen to my daughter's thoughts on why her dolls should be arranged in the manner they are?  Can I patiently let the children help me stir the food on the stove, carefully rinse and cut the vegetables, and describe to them the step by step process of what we are making?  Will I spend my afternoon reading aloud or micro-cleaning the floors?  Can I find the courage to face the hard work of walking the children through yet another sibling squabble?

The submission, the patience, the courage, the diligence, the listening, are all part of the call of being a mother.  Yet, each time these moments arrive, there is a small choice.  Should I rush ahead with my busy schedule or slow down and be the mother in each of those little moments.

It matters.

Thank God for the Holy Spirit.  There is such a dependency on Him as a counselor, guide, and encourager in those moments for me.  Often my prayer is, "Sharpen my character here, Lord.  Guide me to thy way everlasting and not my way - ever exasperating.  Help me to see You in this moment.  Give me grace to let my four year old measure the 1/4 teaspoon of salt with out growing peevish about how much winds up on the floor."

When I do remember to pray, and when I do listen to His guidance and not my own, I often find those moments become easier, and well, down right fun!  I can feel my shoulders relaxing, can hear myself laughing, and the sight of my four children noticing the change is - priceless.

So, here is to more moments of spiritual depth.  And as the great moments come in life, my character with its spiritual depth intact, will be so much more able to enjoy them.

And I encourage you as well, fellow travels on the road of life.  Take the moments, the little insignificant ones.  Allow God to shape you into his form in those times, and you will add up, to someone great!

And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Romans 5:4

I woke up this morning to the most beautiful golden light surrounding me. The dawn of a new day. It was six am and my son had come in to let me know the baby was needful of his morning nursing, which I did, the dog was asking to go out, that my eldest son did, and then there was breakfast to prepare.

Yet, just for a moment, all I could see was the golden light, filling the rooms, showing the contrasts of the crevices and peaks of the hills that surround my home. Revealing the light.

It was my daily manna. And for me, it was enough. There was God's glory revealed in an instant that overwhelms. And in a an instant I saw it wasn't all up to me, that today would dawn without my hands, without out my efforts, and that I could bask it in just the same.

And with that, I went back to sleep. A few more minutes of slumber, resting in his Almighty hands.

"Come to me, all who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:8